Andrus

What My Life Holds 4 U
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2002-07-16 03:38:46 (UTC)

A Bit Sad Cuz He Is Here, Why??? (Really day 15 not 16)

((((((((((((((Part Three I suppose???...))))))))))))))

My nephew has been in town for about a day now, and I
thought things would be the best, since he is back home
with his mom, dad, and sisters. Well, after letting out all
of my happiness yesterday night, I feel sad all of a sudden
and I don't understand why?!
I went to the mall with my brother, his girlfriend and
the kids. I happened to glance over at my nephew and he
looked like he wanted to cry. I asked him what was wrong
and he shook his little head 'no'. After that, I just
turned the other way. Something told me, 'you should feel
bad' I looked back at him and felt like I wanted to cry. He
is only three and acts like he is to old for others to see
him cry. He tried to dunk his little head under his arm,
against the window of the bus. Then he kept waving hi to me
as if he didn't want me to feel like he was sad. I told my
brother I think something is wrong with him. My brother
just said he was probably just tired or hungry. My brother
asked him what was the matter, and he just looked at his
dad and played him off with a little smile.
When we reached the mall I was getting off the bus and
I notice how slow he was walking. I went to go and try to
cheer him up, but it only lasted a few minutes. I thought
to myself, 'might he be missing his other family that he
just got back from visiting???' Then I started to feel as
though it WAS my fault. I guess I felt this way becuase I
cried for my brother to bring him back to Ohio. After he
ate and we all walked the mall and shopped he started to
cheer up. Seeing him smile made me feel less guilty. After
staying in New Jersey about 5 months I think he was
actually getting immuned to those surroundings and THOSE
loved ones.
I think he started to get more comfortable and was
playing with everyone now and this made me feel a bit
better. I asked my mom if she thought he might miss the
place he was staying at for 5 months. She asked me why I
thought that, and I told her becuase he looked so down. She
said he might.
I also feel so bad for him becuase his sister who is 2
doesn't like the fact that he is back and she acts as
though she doesn't want him here. She pushes him, steals
his toys, and throws things at him, but he takes it. It
acts like he happy that she is doing those things. My mom
said maybe he knows better then to fight his little sister.
But, she had no explanation for why his little sister was
doing the things she was doing. My moms husband said it was
a bad idea to split the 2 of them up since they were so
young and for those 5 months she (the 2 year old girl, my
niece, felt she was the only oldest one (I hope you
understand that sentence). I just felt so terribly bad.
About 7:15pm today his mom and dad went to the movies
and I babysat for them all three, the baby girl, the 2 year
old girl and my nephew. It seemed as though when he walked
into our house, he forgot about everyone else and was just
so alive! I mean, it was kind of amazing! It was like,
earlier I wanted him to go back to New Jersey and spend
more time with his other family, but now it was like, I
want you to stay, stay, stay! I am glad he is here, but
everytime he looks down I think he is kind of vacation
sick, in other words missing the family he spent 5 months
with. I hope things change quickly, I don't like being in
this kind of guilty situation. I wish I KNEW EXACTLY WHY I
felt this guilt, but I guess it is just a mystery for now...


MOOD=Confused and guilty
SONG=Avant---1 way street


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