live the life
2001-07-01 01:00:53 (UTC)

i gotta stop complaining

well, this is my first entry, and i wish i started this
sooner. it probably would have helped me get all my
previous frustrations out about c.u. well this is whats
happened so far wit him and me.

I think it all started when he started to hang out with my
bro, around the time of practices for the talent show,plus
he was on my bus, so i got to see him every day. i never
noticed him before, and if when i did, i didnt think too
much abotu him, because he was taken, plus he was 2 grades
higher than me. when i got my hair put in braids, i went to
the auditorium, and he complimented me on it. from then on
we started to smile at each other in the hallways, you
know, just out of curtesy. i didnt like him then because he
was in love with his girlfriend(and i think he still is)
well, after the talent show, they had some kind of a
problem and they broke up. i still wasnt at th point of
liking him. then after a while, i found out that i had
feelings for him. i told my bro that i htought he was cute,
and my bro just laughed and said that he was too old for me
and out of my league.
i decided one night to look for him on icq, just for fun,
and then...i found him!!! i got really excited and sent him
a message, and he sent one back!! i was so happy that he
was actually writing to me! anyways, after talking to him a
few times on icq, i realized that i had a huge crush on
him. i never really talked to him in the halls i just
smiled and said hi.
the big thing that happened was at the spring dance. a few
days before, i had sprained my wrist, and had to wear a
bandage. but i decided to leave it at home the day of the
dance. i was having a pretty good time despite the ripping
pain in my wrist. after a while it got to be too much and i
went outside of the gym. that night he was head bouncer,
and he was hanging with his friends and he saw me walk by
with tears in my eyes from the pain. i went and leaned
against the wall by the concessions. he came over and asked
me "Are you ok?" i looked up and sawe it was him, and i got
all nervous " yeah, its just that i hurt my wrist a few
days ago and it started hurting again, but im ok" then he
looked at me with a grin and said" does it hurt too much to
dance?" then,being really stupid, i said" yeah it hurts
when i move it around alot, but dont worry about me " and
then i panicked." are you sure? come on" he said holding
out his hand. i still didnt realize what he was trying to
say." no its ok im just going to go back inside" and i ran
inside.then i realized a slow song was playing...HE WAS
ASKING ME TO DANCE!!!!!!!!! i couldnt believe that i had
just passed up a chance to dance with one of the hottest
guys in the school!
after the dance, i saw him walking to the student council
office to use the phone, so i figured that this was the
perfect time to apologize. i ran in and he was calling his
ride." hows your wrist?" he said " its better thanx" i said
i was about to say some thing else when he started talking
into the phone. i waited for him to get off,but then these
girls came in and started talking to him. i walked out
hoping to catch him as he came out, but then he went to one
of his friends. i never got to talk to him.

all of my friends made fun of me because of that. i wrote
him a note, and drew a portrait of him. in the note, i told
him how sorry i was and that i didnt know hwat he meant i
also told him how my bro told me that he asked him if i had
a crush on him and i told him that the answer was yes, but
i knew that he had some things to resolve with his
girlfrend. i gave it to him and i waited for him to reply.
i waited more than a month for his reply. i didnt want to
ask him because it would seem like i was annoying, but
inside i was hurting so badly. i thought i was in love. one
time i asked him about it and he said he was in the
process, so i thought he was going to give it to me, but he
didnt. my friends kept asking me if i had gotten it yet and
i had to say no.
one day, one of my not so close friends mg was talking
about giving her number to someone. my friends assured me
it wasnt him, but i couldnt help feeling wierd about it. i
didnt care who she gave her number to, but she just broke
up with her long time bf, and i thought i heard cu's name
in their conversations. then i found out she was giving it
to him. i was filled with anger and despise, it may seem
wierd, but i considered him either mine or his old
girlfriends, not hers. what happened was he called her and
they talked for 2 hours. they started talking and they even
skipped a class to talk. the they went out. i lost all hope
then. i just decided that i want ed him to write me back so
i sent him an e-mail saying" what do you do when the only
one who can make you stop crying is the only one that made
you cry" he wrote me back explaing how he was really sorry
and he never meant to hurt me and how if things were
different, maybe we would have ended up together, but some
thing clicked with mg that mever happened before so he took
advantage of it.

so now what i heard is that they broke up because he needed
some time to think and his old girlfriend wants him back. i
am no part of this anymore, just another nameless face. i
keep telling my self that if e got together, the same thing
would have happened to me, and it never would have worked
out, but i still cant stop thinking about him and wishing...