sex kitten

life of a porn star
2001-07-01 00:35:25 (UTC)


today is not a very good day. let me back up-on wed we
went whale watching and i saw five humpback whales. i had
so much fun and it felt so good to get out on the water. it
was so pretty that day. then on thursday we went to cockel
cove which supposedly is a kick ass beach. when we got
there it was low tide and the sand was orange, pink and
black and it smelled like sulfur-ick. so i got a really bad
sunburn and we left. then yesterday we shopped on main
street in hyannisport and i blew all of my money atthis
army-navy surplus store. i love that store. today is
saturday and we moved to a different cottage. this one is
really nice and i can have my own room to get away from my
family. but for some reason im really down today and i feel
realy confused. its frustration when u are confused on
vacation and you cant fix anything untill you get home. i
dunno im confused about what to do with my summer. i really
want to quit my job but i need money. i really want to hang
out with my friends but i feel so withdrawn and i dont know
where to start with that. then there are the guys. i am
still holding on to matt i guess but i havent talked to him
in a long time and i dont even think i still realy have
feelings for him. i think i know better now than to fall
for him the way i always let myself do. then there is greg.
this has potential. i like hanging out with him and he is
so nice but i dont have physical feelings for him and he
makes me feel guilty. on the other hand he is a good friend
and an awsome listener. then there is my secret crush and
ive yet to even talk to him bc i fear rejection and the
fact that he might not be who i thought the was. so i feel
that i have quite the dilema. i can hardly think and i feel
so foggy and tired. there is nothing to do any ways. its
fucking frustrating because im on vaction i should be
relaxing and happy but even when i feel like i might have a
sereen moment i feel angry and like i want to cry. i was
looking forward to this trip and now i just want to go
home and make thing all better so i could feel secure and
not have to wait another week to act. well im glad i got
that off my chest. im goint o read my new book -red dragon
by tomas harris.