2002-07-15 12:26:50 (UTC)

My 1st Entry

Well, this is my 1t entry. I have alot of feelings to let
out and I don't want to hurt anyone like how I've been hurt
so I will just have to do with this. So far my life has
been hell. So much hell. I can't even explain it. Life
before high school was so much eaiser. The summer before my
freshman year I met this guy Dean and he was so all that to
me. Well, we started dating but he had another girlfriend
and I knew about her but she didn't know about me. She knew
that me and Dean talked but didn't know that we talked as
more than just friends. That don't bother me cause she was
a bitch and I hated her and wished that she would die. But
anyways, when school started Dean introduced me to his
friend Sammy, who immediatly I fell for (whoever said love
at first site wasent real was fucked up). Well, time passes
and my and Sammy start dating and Dean gets pissed and all
that shit. Me and Sammy did so much togeher. I went through
hell for him like 50 fucking times and to this day the ass
hole don't give a damn. Well, that was back in August of
2001 and now its July of 2002 and I'm still not over thehur
and the pain that these people of the opposite sex caused
me to go through. Now I'm not going to lie, I put Dean
through ALOT of shit too and sometimes I think that he's
just getting me back for it. And to a certian extent I
don't blame him. But me and him are friends now and I guess
everythings okay now. Last March 2001 I met this guy
Brandon, who was dating my friend Beth who now is my best
friend. Yeah, just like most friendships, me n her have
been through some rough shit together but thats what makes
a friendship stronger, right? Well, me and her have knowen
eachother since 6th grade and have assoiciated with
eachother up untill 8th grade when I got kicked out of
school and we started talking and now that I'm going to be
a sophomore me and her are closer than ever. well, back to
me and Brandon. Me and him love eachother and I would give
him my last drop of blood if he needed it. We are currently
dating and it will be a month non stop on the 20th and its
been 1 year 4 months 1 week and 3 days onn and off. Well,
me and him have been through some shit too. I had this one
friend, well actually 2 and I was soo close to both of
them. One was a boy (Lee Wayne) and the other was a girl
(Elizabeth), well neither of them knew eachother untill I
introduced them to eachother, keep that in mind. Well for
the 1st couple of months they were together they were okay
then they started shuting me out of their life like I was
never in it and thats BS! I thought of them like everything
in this fucked up workd and look what happend! So needless
to say we don't talk anymore. Well we would if Elizabeth
didn't go and run her big ass mouth about me. She told
everyone that I had AIDS from some black guy. She only said
that because she know her boyfriend didn't like black
people and if she got that stupid ass rumor around about me
the Lee Wayne wouldn't talk to me and obvisily it freakin
worked cause he won't call me now BUT alot of other people
have asking if that BS was true and it's really pissing me
off so when I go back to school I'm gonna kick her skinny
lil ass. People piss me off when they go and say shit
behind my back and don't have enough guts to go and say it
to my face. That bitch knew that if I wanted her man then I
could get him and it pissed her off. Well, Lee Wayne was
best friends with this guy named Stewart and he is soo hott
and I've know him since 6th grade also. Well, I think I
like him but I don't know. I've only seen him once at a
football game to school. He's almost 18 (aug.22) and I'm
only 15. So there would be some problems with that
relationship, PLUS hes a big time player. Hes slept with
like 85 girls and I'm not exaggerating. Me and him might
have sex on the coming up football games but I'm hoping
that thats not all he wants me for. I'm sooooooo afraid
that if I do have sex with him then I'll keep on and keep
on untill I fall in love with him which I think that thats
already happening. Man, my life is pretty fucked right now.
Oh and Stewart don't like Elizabeth either for the same
reasons, SHES A BITCH. Well ,I'm gonna go for now but now
forever. I need to rest. Stewart gets off at 5:00 pm and
its 8:24 am right now :*( I haven't went to sleep yet cause
yesterday I went to bed at 5:00am and woke up at 7:00pm.
Yea, pretty bad huh? I think I might have a sleeping
disorder or some shit. Well Cyall later.