... SheLL*z . LyFe ...
2002-07-15 05:10:50 (UTC)

Same 'ol shit

ugh. its just like last week all over again. im confused on
what i want. i was down the pit today and i saw marc and
phil, o0o0. all these feelings just hit me in the face. i
like 'em both, but the thing is their one of many. theres
Marc . Phil . Joel . Eddie . Adrain . & Maurice. now can u
honestly tell me how im supposed to chose between all
of 'em? I cant, its impossible, if one of 'em would ask me
out, of couse the answer would be yes, and all of my guy
troubles would be out the window. but no0o instead of 'em
asking me out, they fucken lead me on like a fool. im so
sick of eveything right now. i want a relationship thats
more then just fooling around. i want the whole cant eat
cant sleep shit. but what i want obously isnt important.
now im not trying to sound conceited or ne thing, but alot
of guys like me and im too picky about what i want. it
pisses me off that im like that and i try to change but i
just cant. ugh, i feel so childish. im sitting here
listening to sappy love songs n shit, trying not to cry
over the fact that the men i like dont feel the same way i
guess. i dunno if thats the case but thats how i feel. and
even thinking about the whole eddie thing makes me cry.i
mean at chakos on sat. i was telling marc about 'em and i
almost started crying, im sitting there trying to hold it
back and trying not to tell marc that i want 'em, i didnt
wanna cry, and i still dont but its hard when your so
confused thats all you think about, all you talk about
even. im seriously way too young to be even thinking about
this shit. maybe if i didnt look older i wouldnt be in this
position, but i dunno. i just need answers, i just need to
move on, but its hard when youve found these great guys(who
are all hott too btw) well ne way GuRlZ . when ya read this
will ya please let me knoe wat u think i should do. i need
help right now, and you guys knoe im never like this. i
need you guys now more then ever.

And thats another thing, if it werent for my gurls, i
seriously think i would be in a deep depression right now.
i love 'em so much. without them i dont think i could
breathe. their my everything, and no matter what happens
between me and marc . or me and phil . or me and maurice .
ill always be there for 'em. no man could ever come between
me and my gurls and thats for sure. thats the only good
thing going for me, my gurls * :-D *

Back to old subject. on sat. marc was talking about nici
and shit and how he likes 'er. i mean nici is my best
friend of all time, me and her have been through so much
shit, i wouldnt ever leave her side. but him talking about
her made me jealous. ive never been jealous of nici at any
time in our whole lives, but this did it, i hate to say it
but it did. i was just sitting there looking at him and im
like y cant he like me like that? but i knoe him and nici
will never happen, she has a man and lives in carbondale. i
hate to say it but thats the truth, they wont happen. And
even if it did, i would never step in the way.

And to think, last night i thought i was done with all this shit,
NeVeR say NeVeR right?

I dunno but im tired so imma hit the sack and try and
sleep . which i doubt i will, but ill try. GurLz remember
wright me back, lol. Love yas

Want some cocktail tips? Try some drinks recipes over here