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2001-06-30 18:11:56 (UTC)

"The Friend Zone" Part II

So anyhow, back to the issue of "the friend zone." Okay,
so to recap, "the friend zone" is that abyss that dudes
will put you in if they don't want you in the "dateable"
category but think you're too cool just to blow off. I
think there are pluses and minuses to being in that
category. On one hand, it sucks b/c if you like that dude,
you don't have a chance w/him. However it's cool b/c guys
do make tight friends, and you can usually count on them.
On top of that, you don't have to worry about breaking up
with them and never speaking to them again.
Then that gets into the idea of friends making the best
boyfriends. I'm not sure how true that really is. I think
that it sort of depends on how tight you are w/that person
in the first place, how much you know about him, and how
much you two trust each other. My first example is E. (my
ex-bf from high school). He and I got to know each other
for 3 months before we dated. At first, we were "just
friends." But then we ended up together, which was cool, I
thought at first. However, after we hooked up, I found out
a lot about him that wasn't exactly kosher. Although no
one is perfect and we all have flaws, it was the kind of
stuff that really kills trust. In the end, it killed our
whole relationship and we no longer speak. Then there's my
friend D. We've been friends since middle school, and
then, in the middle of high school, we decided to "date."
However, we didn't really see each other in a romantic
manner, and on top of that, we knew too much about each
other, and we mutually broke it off after 2 months, most of
which I wasn't even in town. We're still friends to this
day, and it's fine that it stays that way...we're sort of
in each other's "friend zone," and that's fine with me. So
I'm not sure if friends really do make the best
boyfriends. However, considering that you need to be able
to trust whoever you're with, I really think that whoever I
end up with will have to be my friend first, but in that
middle ground b/w "weak friend" and "like a brother to
me." Getting into "the friend zone," I've had crazy
experiences with that. My junior year of high school, I
really liked a friend of mine, K. But too many people got
into the mix, and come to find out, he dropped me into "the
friend zone." It took me about 5 months to get over that
one, and it almost killed our friendship. We still talk
these days, and he's still so single, and wishing he could
find a woman that's about something, but funny thing is, it
still doesn't occur to him that I'm a woman!!! Well, it's
not like I'm interested in him anymore anyway, so
basically, it's his loss and he's feeling it.
Then, the stuff nowadays. The friend I'm always talking
about...okay, since my neighbor dubs him "broke-down Pacey"
(he looks like a cross b/w Joshua Jackson and Dave
Matthews) from now on in here I'll call him Pacey. So the
deal with him is that well, we are friends, and I think
that he's dropped me into "the friend zone," but I can
never be so sure. I've liked him for over a year and a
half (pathetic, ain't it?). It gets like that when you
meet your "dream dude" for the first time, but you have to
reconcile w/yourself the fact that you can't have him.
However, we are friends, I really enjoy his company and
talking to him, all that good stuff. And I trust him to a
point--I trust him in terms of telling him confidential
stuff, in terms of counting on him if need be, w/stuff of
value, w/my safety, basically everything but my heart. And
I want to get to that point where I can trust him with
that, and God is working on me with that. But in any case,
with that issue, if he did wake up one day and wanted to
hook up with me, would it be a good idea anyway? On one
hand, that would be tight, but on the other hand, I'd have
to be able to trust him with my heart, and that I'm not so
sure. But I'm not counting on necessarily even having to
deal w/that scenario, so maybe it's not worth worrying
about too much, I guess. But I do wonder, is it truly
better this way? Hmmm, only God knows...

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