BlueAngel

Thoughts from Blue Angel
2001-06-30 18:07:08 (UTC)

Looking to the Past

I just spent some time looking through old e-mails. Some
were from Elijah, but most of them were from when I was
with Adam. He did love me... He honestly, sincerely loved
me. I wasn't going to do this, but I suppose a couple
examples are in order.

Jen,
I'm not the best person when it comes into putting
thoughts and emotions into words, but I'm gonna try. Last
night and this morning were just as special to me as they
were to you. Not once, in my life, have I ever been so
content with a girl. I respect so much the fact that you
decided for me to be the one you did that with your first
time. I loved doing it, but that wasn't what made happy
the most. It was that it was you, and you gave me your
love and trust to do that. By doing that, you made me feel
more special than I ever have. And laying there with you
last night, it made me feel like i really was in heaven.
Not a single worry was in my head, I was satisfied, and
could be forever, just being in your arms. I just can't
explain how much better my life is now that I can look at
your picture and think of being with you. Hearing you say
you love me is the best thing I think I've ever heard.
Thank you for giving me your heart and love like you have.
Thank you for letting me be the one to be your first.
Thank you for making me feel so special and loved. Lastly,
thanks for bein who you are- the greatest girl I've ever
been with. I love you and always will.

Love,
Adam


Hello sweetness,

I spent all nite either napping or tryin to escape the
wrath of my parents, hehe, so I'm sure you had a better
night than me. It's amazing how much I think of you,
whether I'm having a good day or bad day, good mood or bad
mood. It never fails to have you pop into my mind and
brighten even the worst of situations possible up. I will
just remind myself of the love you've given to me, and it
makes pain disappear as if it was never there. I can't
ever remember being content like this, ever. I've always
had at least the slightest bit of wonder how long my
relationships would last, not this one. I don't have to
worry about falling out of love, because it's impossible.
I don't know how I've managed to get a girl as great as
you, but I did. I'm gonna keep you as long as I can too.
You're worth all the effort and more. When I fall asleep
tonight, I'm going to be wishing you were there next to
me. When I wake up, I'll be wondering where you are, and
if you're thinking of me. It's always like that to me
now. Well, I suppose that's enough rambling on and on for
one night. I can't wait to see you again, probably
Saturday this weekend. Hopefully, we'll talk tomorrow
sweetie! I love you with all of my heart and
soul!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With Deep Love,
Adam

How could it not hurt to lose that? We seemed so stable,
so secure... We were both so in love. Then one day, it
was just gone. How can I trust anyone ever again? I know
that I should, and I tell myself that I can, but I can't
get rid of the wall I've built. Every time I've started to
knock it down, I've been hurt again. Over and over and
over...

I just don't know. I have no idea what to do, where to
turn to, how to relieve the pain. I'm just stuck with this
huge burden on my shoulders with no one to share it. I
don't want to do this anymore. I CAN'T do this anymore.
There has got to be some way to end this....




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