mango princess

Through my eyes....
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2002-07-15 02:52:48 (UTC)

Soooooooo Fucking Frustrated

I am so pissed off at so many things today. I hate
everybody, including myself. I just can't fucking get
anything together ever.
* I am a very negative person right now. I hate that!!!!
I always used to like people and be nice. Now I feel like
I find fault in everybody.
* I hate that randi is on fucking paxil and now the world
is so great. She likes everybody and she's the fucking
coolest person in the world to everybody. Pat loves
her.....I just want to kick myself for always listening to
her because I was really dumb...to just hate people or
dislike them, talk shit about them because randi had a
problem with them. She had a problem with everybody
because she was depressed. I listen to her, join her side
and then I'm stuck with the negativity and hating myself
and nobody liking me and she's left with some happy drugs
and everybody likes her.
* I hate that I am so fucking self concious about
everything. I hate that I care what people think about me,
I hate that I don't speak my mind, that I've become close
minded to things, that I let my fears take over me. I hate
that I feel like I have to be the best for my parents and
that if I fucked up they would love me less or disapprove
of me. I hate that I am scared of so many things. Boys,
sex, my thoughts, my likes, everything.
* I hate that I feel alone and I feel misunderstood.
* I hate that I've become shy, introverted, quiet, not
confident.
*I hate that it's funny to people that I haven't had sex.
I'm the holy fucking virgin of everybody in every country
in all of the world. "I just can't picture Katie having
sex." What the hell does that mean?? Fucking Jess
Goudreau. Well like I said tonight, atleast I'm not
fucking pregnant and having to have an abortion.
*I hate that meredith got pissed the other night because
me and maggie went out. What the fuck is that? Honestly
it's none of her business because she doesn't ever call me
to do anything ever. She only calls maggie.
*I hate that nobody listens to me when I speak, it makes
me feel like what I have to say is unimportant.
*I hate that I feel unspecial......why would anybody want
to date me because I have no good stories, lack of
conversation skills, nothing about me that is great. I
feel like a boring person.
*I hate that I am afraid of accomplishing any of my
dreams, from as little as Charlie to as big as Juliard, to
performing and trying to become famous.
*I am afraid to live, I am afraid to fuck up, to try new
things and to be myself. What really sucks is I know that
I can get through everything, or I should know that.
* I hate that I'm so afraid of myself that there's nothing
really wrong with anybody and it's all about me.


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