2001-06-30 13:34:49 (UTC)

Moving! :0(

The date on this is wrong it should be june, 29/01!

Well I hate to start my First entry on a bad note but... O
well i haveta!

Well my boyfriend moved away yesterday! :0(Im really
pissed off n upset about it all, I finally find the 1 guy i
can have a long relationship with and me moves! We've
already been together for 5 months he's my world i do not
want to break up with him because i love him so much but im
tkn this pretty hard I hate this! I can not stop crying no
matter how hard i try! I just know things will ba a lot
different soon! I do not like this but i will try tomake
this work for the sake of us! I do not know why i love him
so much but i know i do n i won't give it up for the world!
Seriously i have had heart break before but never this bad!
I do not want to eat sleep or talk to anyone else but him!
I am a love sick retard! I do no t know how long i can
handle this w/just crying and writing in this diary!
I never had this happen 2 me so its a new experience i
don't like it but he we all deal with shit we do not like i
just wish that it could have been a little bit easier for
me! I just have so much im struggling with right now! I
want to loose like a lot of weight n shut some stupid
people up, Sarah, Allison and mellisa they all need to just
need to get over this all n relize i do not care about them
anymore and they should just forget about me becuase i keep
forgetting bout them till they start with me again! and i
was grounded for so long and even tho im off i still feel
on restriction! And theres just so much more 2 it just
drives me crazy i want to scream!!!!!! I hate holding all
this inside! I think i explain myself better when i write
things down so that makes things a lot easier! Uff! This
situation with me and my boyfriend blows ass! I will never
see my boyfriend he'll always b with Aaron (his best
friend) and all his other friends which is ok i guess
except im the one in bellingham with fucking seperation
angziaty here no one else im the one with the tears and
feeling like my hearts been broke like in a million peices,
anger and sadness! I don't feel well i just thru up not so
long ago my eyes burn from all the crying n everything just
feels wierd!I will miss all those intamite times i've had
with hime ( now those will only happen ONCE n a WHILE when
he is able 2 come see me!) Not only was he my boyriend but
he was my BESTFRIEND i confided in him thru everything he
knew every little detail about me and i would NEVER keep
anything from him! Yeah we had a few fights but we've made
it thru ok i just have a feeling i do not now if i can
handle a month long or longer fight i take a lot but there
is just so much i can handle at 1 time! I know we are not
breaking up but then why does it feel like my hear is
broken? Hopefully writing in here will help me make it thru
this! GRRRR! UGGGG! well anyways this is so hard n sux
complete ass! Well Im out 4 now! Peace!