Raynewitch Ramblings
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2002-07-14 15:22:39 (UTC)

You know I love you....always have!

Mood: Unsure...possibly content?!
Song: Paint It Black - Rolling Stones

Sometimes I wonder if my boyfriend would cheat on
me.....theres not really much evidence to support this
theory, I just wonder.

The age difference between us is pretty big....him being 10
years older than me, he has to want different things in
life...I mean Im not even 21 yet, and all I want to do is
go out, get drunk and fall down....hes at the age where its
all about settling down and all that jazz.

Thats why I wonder....I mean, it cant be much fun for him
when I go out with my mates and he goes to bed early
because hes tired....

And hes in the workforce and Im studying.....so I can stay
up and do whatever I want until whenever I want and he has
to get up at 5am to go to work 6 days a week....so we work
on on completely different body clocks....and rarely see
each other awake.

I dont think he'd cheat on me for malice, but more from
loneliness....and I couldnt really blame him, I could be
pissed and burn all of his clothing (hehe), but blame...nah
not when we are working from opposite sides of life.

Hes a really great looking guy too, so its not as if he
wont get chicks hitting on him or whatever....so will the
day come when he decides no more flakey me and start up
with someone else? Someone who wants the same things right
now? A house, a family down the track....a dog named Spot.

And what about me? Well Im not really short on offers...Ive
had a few guys (some I know, some I dont) hit on me since I
hooked up with my partner. I cant say that I took up the
offer from any of them...Im not the type to cheat, so Id
turn them down.....only one made me stop and consider him.
He was a great guy...we'd been mates for a while and he
started talking about "us" and put some moves on me...the
only thing that stopped me from going down that path was
the fact I had a boyfriend, we were having immense problems
at that time, and I think the fact I turned someone I liked
and all, proved I wasnt the cheating type. Hell, I didnt
even hook up with anyone for the short period of time that
we broke up....it would still feel like cheating to me.

Its not that I dont feel the pull or the longing for
someone just to hang out with and have a good time with,
without all the "serious relationship stuff", because I do,
I think most people do...well most people I know do. If Im
having a shitty day or whatever and he pisses me off more,
or when I go out and get hit on by whoever etc. I wouldnt
do it, but the feelings are there.

After 2 years we are in kind of a "routine" I guess, we
know each other so well and hang out most of the time
together and all that, our comfort with each other is
huge....and while thats great in itself, it can be a
bit...I dont know....boring? We dont get all exciting about
going out somewhere or anything....its just.....routine and
the usual stuff.

Typical weekend - Videos/DVDs and some computer games or
whatever....cleaning the house.....cooking dinner. Its not
like Im weighed down by cash or anything, so our options
arent huge or anything.....but something...anything, out of
the ordinary would be great.

Dont get me wrong...I adore my partner, more than anything
or earth, most of the time hes my reason for smiling or
getting up in the morning etc.....its just when everything
gets really quiet around me and I have time to think and
process life that all my darker thoughts come tumbling
around my head.

I should stop listening to "Paint It Black" by the Rolling
Stones...I think its influencing my moods....hehehe.

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