Life as I know it.
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2001-06-30 09:01:00 (UTC)

saying no is getting harder

SO today i went and partied with Heather at her place, okay
so she lives a floor below me so it wasnt like some grand
ol trip but still I got out. SO around 11:30pm my cell
phone rings and I naturally assume its john cause we
planned on going to this party tonight but wasnt sure it
was happening, no it was the ex. I saw the name on my
caller id and was like what the fuck? So he is like "come
on over and drink" a few of his friends were over and i was
like "no i am already at a party and plan to be here for a
bit" (way to go to me for standing up for myself) but he
called me back later and i am weak...yes i am the weakest
link. So of course i come over. He said his friends saw
me tonight and i was like "yeah i saw them too" and he is
like, "...so i wanted to see you for myself". Then he
proceeds to make every move he could make on me. I deny,
deny and deny some more. Then he is like "let's talk"
which sucks cause he knows i want to talk about this but am
afraid to. He's like "what do you want?" and i just looked
at him and said "you know what i want" and he is like "say
it, just tell me" and so i said "i wnat you" and he is
like "baby you know we will be together again really soon"
and i was all like "how soon?" and he is like very soon, he
said probably within the next month. God im such a fucking
idiot for doing this to myself! But once again I didnt
sleep with him. He wanted me to stay the night, and I
didnt!!!!! SO i go back to the party and blah blah blah
everyoe was shocked cause they thought i was going on a
booty call and dum dum dum I didnt sleep with him!

He also told me he loved me often, very often. Then this
whole "you know we are gonna get back together:" thing
threw me through a loop. The fact that after i said no he
kept asking, which led to me trying to leave several times
and him begging for me to stay the night...just to sleep
next to him. And you know what? He was trashed fucking

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