Mandy Kay

Boys, Beer, Bud, Having a Butt, Being a Bitch, and Other Things I Don't Know About

6/30/01 12:58 AM

Hmm..it's almost 1 am and now is the time I start
thinking about all the stuff in my life that sucks. Maybe
its the Dr Pepper talking.
The whole run-in with the kickers last night really
got me to thinking about how naive I am and how socially
inept I can be. There they are, drinkin beer on the hood
of their truck, and I'm just like,"Yeah...and this one
time, at church camp..." I seriously did that at least
twice. I guess its just that almost every fun or funny
thing in my life has happened at church, church camp or
with a friend I grew up with at church.
True, Bubba was 21 and Tyler was 18, and being "only"
15, age differences intimidate me a LOT. Especially with
those two. McCall didn't seem to care. I salute
you..girl, how do you do it!? But boys in general just
intimidate me, because I think I intimidate them..see how
that works?
I dunno, it's "the tall thing" that I mentioned
earlier. I guess being shy makes up for something, maybe
an air of girlish mystery? I mean who would want to be
seen as generally man-ish? I'm thinking Emily Scheer here,
Darcy knows what I'm talking about- back me up! I try to
be all cute and flirty, but I can't bring myself to do
it.
And there's McCall having this bitchy-but-cute
attitude for their benefit, and I'm just sitting on the
tailgate watching. She kept saying, "Oh kiss my ass!"
She never got my telepathic messages to quit saying it b/c
it was repetitive and kinda funny. I would NEVER EVER EVER
say that to a guy. I think I would fall down dead from the
sheer terror of what he might think.
At one point Bubba actually said "Come on over here.
Are you antisocial or what?" Damn, he figured it out. Of
course, the internal red flags were going off the whole
time. "WARNING!! YOU ARE WITHIN 4 FEET OF A MALE! CALL
PASTOR BREWER IMMEDIATELY!" The only reason I was staying
back and being quiet was b/c I said something dumb and he
made fun of me HARDCORE. Like nearly crying.
True, it doesn't take a lot to make me cry, but still
I wanted to.. b/c I felt so tall but fat and a mixture of
trashy looking but grossly virginal. Sometimes I'm a
walking contradiction. (I was wearing red lipstick and a
tank top) So I attempted to be social, I guess maybe I
pulled it off. He asked us about who smoked bud too, and
like a dork I go, "Oooh! McCall does." and then giggled
like a 6th grader. I felt so idiotic. Maybe its b/c I
never have smoked. Anything. I had the opportunity to
once, and turned it down b/c there wasn't enough to go
around. Sweet huh? :)
So they drink their beer, giggling like 6th graders
all the while at lil ol me. And no, I didn't drink any
beer either. Don't get me wrong, I just felt like a marked
woman, that if I wanted to, it would have been a joke.
Know how that goes? I drink on occasion. I've been nearly
drunk once, Darcy knows about that one too, and seriously
drunk once. I never told anyone about it b/c it seemed too
stupid. I was home alone for a day and REALLY bored, so I
just dug thru the liqor cabinet and mixed a few drinks that
I found in a book. Pretty random rainy day activity, but
the movie "Clueless" was never funnier. :)

***Here's a Top-10 List to name a few random things Amanda
has not done: 1.Done any type of real drug. (I've been high
a few times but only Kristen V. knows about that and what
happened will never leave my house!) 2.Had a boyfriend.
(Am I gross, ugly? NO. I guess I'll never understand.)
3.Had/done anything that could be classified as sex, sexual
behavior or anything related to it. 4.Drove without a
lisence. 5.Injured or killed anyone. 6.Gotten in a
fight. 7.Stolen something of value. 8.Talked to my
parents in a way that would get me slapped. (not lately
anyway) 9.Misbehaved enough to be suspended from school.
10.Mooned or flashed anyone.***

The worst thing I consciously remember doing was once
when me and my mom were fighting, and she said "Don't talk
to me like that, or I'll slap you." I said see what
happens, so she slapped me. Well you know what happened?
I slapped her back. That's right, I swear on the Bible I
did. It was a really long time ago, I went through what I
consider a big rebellious phase somewhere during 4th-6th
grade. Lots of running off, talking back, and stuff. In
7th, I think that was really when I discovered how fun life
could be and acquired my wild and craziness that was
truly "me" in 7th and 8th grade, and now just a side I
have. My life has been doing downhill lately, socially
speaking. I'm not the same I was in middle school, and I
mean it in a negative way. This year I hardly got to talk
to any of my best friends from middle school, and my m/s
friends are the people I feel I can truly be the dorky and
crazy me around. We had no classes together, and even
though we were together at lunch, some other people who
don't like me prevented me from just cutting loose..and I
can't be funny when I'm trying not to seem like the nerd I
am. :)
***People who always treat me like I'm retarted or make me
feel that way- Kelsey, Darcy, my whole geometry class last
year, girls that are skinnier than me, other people who I
won't name b/c they only do it 50%...umm that's about it.***
***People who are fun and let me be myself- Lindsay, the
Megans, Fallon, Amanda T., Erica, Jessica, Katie K., good
friends from waaay back like Brandi and Krista, Valerie (a
cool person I never really got to know until now from
church), my dear ol dad, McCall when she's not tickling
me, and the people who let me gripe- Amy and Anali (who I
trust so much), Casey, and NOEMI-forever my partner in
crime, even if you do have all the butt.*** I really hope
I didn't forget anyone in that group.
Wow! This is practically turning into my whole life
story. That wasn't my intention, but I guess I'll end by
explaining the whole Noemi has all the butt thing. I have
no ass. It's flat...so sad and deflated looking. But I
still have better boobs than she does. She knows it :) I
have to get the most out of this b/c it's my one saving
grace. Someday I will get plastic surgery and become hot
and everyone will be sorry. Not really, but I like to
believe that I will. Until then I'm just "the good one",
embarrassed in front of the ugly kickers. :)
Well that's about all I can manage for tonight, so
that's today's general rantings about boys, beer, bud,
having a butt, being a bitch and all the other things I
don't know about. Adios until manana, ~mandy