sweetaddiction

i am not sure how much i meant..

i am not sure how much i meant to you.
im not even sure how much you meant to me.
and now i guess your score its totalled.
i guess we were never meant to know.

sometimes i wish i had never met you
and sometimes i thank god for having you in my life.
you opened my eyes.
that is for sure.
but now i cant close them.
and the light seems so bright.

your smell has flown
from my memory.
the way you smile.
laugh.
now i can see through it...
and i can see how you lied.
i just cant figure out.
why.

its funny to look back and remember.
all the times you looked at me.
and i wonder what you saw.
or why you even bothered.
why you wanted me in your life.
as i can see now. i was nothing to you.

i am not mad at you anymore.
it faded with time.
its weird how that happens.
its not like the pain goes away.
its just dealt with...somehow.
and thats what im supposed to do.
deal.
but i dont know how.

sometimes i wish you had chosen
to change yourself.
to open your own eyes.
and to be real.
even if it brings pain.
and anger.
and confusion.
because now.
you dont even have yourself hun.

you will always be beautiful to me.
because i can see past all the crap
you put on.
its like you wear makeup.
on your soul.
and i know how amazing you are.
the you. i still miss today.
you will always be apart of me.
and while i might forget your face.
i will never forget to love you.

one day i know that you will come around.
and that you will realize.
im not that crazy.
that i was right.
it will just take some time.
but what is different between what people might think of
this.
is that.
i will not be waiting for you.
i will not be in love with you.
i will not try again.
because.
i deserve someone without hesitation.
and i will never regret not being with you.
because.
you arent the one.
you are not the one i want anymore.
and i miss you yes.
because you are so beautiful.
you are the only person i could never understand.
and i guess now.
maybe thats a bad thing.
and i love you more than you are capable of understanding.
and i have no closure.
and i am still holding on to an image.
that might one day be real again.
but i have changed.
you changed me.
and i dont want you...
i dont need you.
i do not need any part of you.
and all the pain you instilled in me.
does not measure up to the happiness we had.
the ends didnt justify the means.
and i dont want you.
i dont need you.
i just, miss you.
and i know i always will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you are my sunshine.
my only sunshine.
you make me happy.
when skies are grey.
youll never know dear.
how much.
i love you.
please dont take.
my sunshine away.

~~~~in a way i guess we are all meant to be, a little piece
of someone else...and when you run out of things to say.
places to go. or songs to play...i think you realize who
the good ones are. the ones you love...you will always be
some sun in my life baby. even though. i will never be able
to forgive you...and while im crying now. and i wish things
could have happened differently. i know that you were
right. i just wish that i could tell you once more. how
much i love you. and that you were the best part of my
life. we made the best of the short time we had together.
and i will never forget you. and i will always love you
more than words can express. even though your apathy and
ignorance causes me pain every single day of my life. i
know in my heart. that it does the same for you.
~~~~slugger~~~~