Ad 0:
2002-07-13 15:35:02 (UTC)


I feel guilty for even thinking about complaining. I
guess that's just the way I was brought up. But now I
understand that that's not the healthiest thing to do --
keep everything bottled up -- so here I am.

I love my son more than anything in the whole world. I
never knew that being a full-time mom could be so
stressful. By the time the weekend gets here my poor
husband gets stuck with our son for almost a full day
before I'm feeling remotely relaxed. I don't mean stuck in
a bad way. He loves our son very much. I just feel guilty
for wanting to have "alone time." But I know if I don't
get it I'll go nuts!

Then this weekend I've got to get myself geared up to start
homeschool on Monday. I was going to wait a little while
longer, but our son is SO ready I just can't wait any

I suppose I'm facing the same sorts of challenges that
other moms have been facing for years -- feeling torn
between the things I would love to do and devoting myself
to our son. It's not that I can't do what I want, rather I
can't do them without limit like I was able to do before
our son was born. One thing that I'm sure is making it
harder for me is that it took us 14 years to have our son.
While it was the one thing I wanted most and I thought I
was prepared for motherhood, I had no idea what motherhood
was really like. I guess you never can until you
experience it for yourself. So now our son is almost four
and I'm still wrestling with these things. It is better
than it was before, so maybe the adjustments just take
time. And my husband is a fantastic father and is
completely supportive, so that helps tremendously.

Lord, I haven't been praying as much as I'd like and I'm
sorry. I go in fits and spurts with that, too. I just
can't seem to find enough hours in the day. And if I get
up any earlier to get everything in I might as well not go
to bed at all! Help me, Jesus!

I'm sure that once the schooling gets under way and we're
on a better schedule I'll feel less harried. I hate it
when everything is in flux. I know change can be good, but
I really am one for consistency. I just get so frustrated
when I feel that I'm not on top of every little thing. I
guess that's something else for you to work out in me, Lord!

Well, I have to go and get busy, busy, busy! I hope to
write again tomorrow!!