What My Life Holds 4 U
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2002-07-13 15:28:32 (UTC)

Life is full of the WORSE

(I apologize for any mistakes but I don't feel like
making any editing corrections)

This is my first entry and I am sad to say it will be a
depressing one for me to enter as my first. Yesterday was
one of the most depressing days of my life. No, no one died
or hospitalized or anything like that, but to me it feels
that way. I am 14 and I have a brother and a sister. My
brother has 3 kids and they are all so adorable. At the
beinning of this year my nephew had just turned 3. His
mom's side of the family decides they want to have him for
a while to see what New Jersey is like. Here in Ohio all of
us are thinking, 'oh, well he will b back soon.' To our
surprise life carries a lot of disappointments. He is not
coming back.
This disappoints me so terribly becuase he was like a
little brother to me (nephew really) and things have not
been the same since. His mom and dad just went down to New
Jersey to see him the beginning of this week.
See, my brother is a truck driver and he travels a lot.
He said if he got a run toward that way he would stop by to
see him and try to bring him back home. I wish I could have
gone. I couldn't.
While down there visiting my nephew, my brother gives a
call while I am in summer school. My sister was home to
pick up the phone. When I get home I am having such a great
day and I feel lucky! My sister tells me " Guess what?" and
I ask her "Whats kickin'" she looks at me smiling like I
have never seen her smile. "He is coming home!" Right when
she said that, I knew what she meant. My day got even more
brighter that the light was blinding!
I am walking the world like nothing could happen and I
thought nothing could happen. I couldn't wait to see him
becuase he would be coming Sunday or Monday (1-2 days from
the present) I couldn't be destroyed nothing could make me
angry NOTHING. I pranced around every where preparing not
to cry when he returned.
Later that same day, the phone is just a ringing and I
am in the bathroom. We have one of those one talking phones
that says the number to you so you know who is calling, and
it is pretty loud. I here a number being said and I
think, 'Just a bill collector.' I thought this becuase it
was an out of the area number. I come out of the bathroom
to find my mom home from work on the phone, and I am
wondering why in the hell is mom talking to a bill
collector. I went on about my business and into my bedroom.
My mom and her husband call me to their room where she
was talking on the phone. I ask them what they wanted and
they looked at me dumbfounded like they couldn't find the
words they wanted. I tried to cheer them up by telling them
who was coming home, my nephew. Still, they were upset
about something. As a kid I thought the bill collectors
were trying to put us poor. My mom says she is talking to
my brother and I say, "oh yea, did he tell you already!"
and then she said something that opened up the floor and
dropped me below the level. My heart fell to my stomach,
and I was stunned. "Your brother isn't bringing him home."
I couldn't here anything after that. Everything broke
silent and I ran out of my moms room and into mine. I
jumped in my bed and cried for an hour in a half. My dream
of him coming home was cracked shattered and thrown into
the garbage.
About 30 minutes later, my brother called back and I was
still crying. He wanted to talk to me. I got on the phone
and heard me crying. He said sorry to me so many times
becuase he knew I had been hurt badly. He said he would try
everything to bring him back, but his girlfriends side of
the family wouldn't let him bring him home. He a DAD could
NOT bring his OWN DAMN CHILD back home. Now all I can think
is, my nephew I will never ever see again. I don't have a
nephew anymore. All I can hear clearly now is when I talked
to him a month in half ago on the phone. He sounded so
cute. But I will never get to SEE him talk. The last thing
that made me feel just a bit better was when my brother
said he loved me and he would try harder.
Life is full of the worse. You get so many surprises
that are crazy, happy, outrageous, enjoyable, harmful and
hurtful. And yesterday was one of those hurtful of that
section, of the worse unit. What makes things so bad is, I
never got to say goodbye when he left...

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