2001-06-30 00:10:30 (UTC)

What life means to me.

What I think of when you say life is just 1 word. "LOVE"
But I am dead to the world for this is a word that has
almost no meaning to me. I have a girlfriend who is trying
to show me but it is taking awhile to get through to me. I
have loved, and I know she loves me, but I have no
understanding of what the word actually means. Is it that
warm feeling in your gut, the ease in your mind, or is it
that strange pull at what some call the soul. I believe in
the soul, for without it, we wouldn't torture ourselves like
we do.

I have been a "good" person most of my life, my friends
respect me, my family loves me, and everyone I meet who
gives me a chance becomes my friend. I however rarely get
that chance with most, I am an intimidating person, and
share an odd code of ethics with my oldest friends. I
frighten most, or at least make them nervous, and I don't
understand why. So, I find myself alone even in a crowd,
even among friends sometimes. So my tears fall with only
the wind to hear them, and it carries them to the end of the
world, but utters not a sound about them.

Pain of the soul is a pain that many feel but don't
understand. It's the kind of pain that doesn't hurt, it
just makes you numb, and nothing can break that short of
divine intervention. My intervention was my afore mentioned
girlfriend, she is slowly making me feel again. I've
written enough for this day, after all it is my first. 'Til
later take care and keep the ones you love true and be good
to them.