Love Is Pain
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2002-07-13 09:50:11 (UTC)


Dear Diary, July 13, 02
It seems weird at times. I remember when I was in the 6th
grade. I turned to one of my closest friends Patricia and
said, "I can't stand it when teachers say when you get into
high school things will change." I remember her
replying, "I know, I would never do drugs." I then told
her, "Me either. Its so stupid. I will never smoke, drink,
or do drugs. Its just stupid. Whats the point of it."

Well, here I am now. Three years later. And a totally
different person. I have only gone through one year of high
school and sooo much as changed. I'm not that close with
Patricia, we both moved. And I did everything I told myself
I wouldn't do. Its weird sometimes when you think about it. I
have friends that I've known since we were 8 years old. You
know, when we were inoccent.

And now, I think I probably have about 2 friends that have
never tried drugs. But both of them drink. I have ditched
school many times. And my grades are going down... Not to
mention I cant stand my mother with a passion. When I
really think about it. Its kinda sad, cuz I don't really
remember my mother when I was younger.

I remember my aunt taking care of me. I remember me and my
cousins getting into a lot of trouble. And I remember my
friends. But when I try to think about my mother, nothing
really comes up. And then I think about my dad, nothing
really nice happened when I was younger. Some people like
to think that things will get better in time.

But I know better. In time, it gets worse. In Jr. High I
ment a girl named April. We hated each other in the
beginning. But now we are sisters. We only have each other.
I remember when we use to talk about our familys. We had a
lot in common. She hated her dad, and I hated mine. We
would talk about everything.

Its kinda funny how you can hate someone and then the next
second they're your closest friends. Now me and April talk
about how much we hate our mothers. And how our dads have
seem to gotten much nicer. *shrugs* We both plan on running
away together one day. I guess you can say its on own
little dream.

We are gunna runaway from all the pain that is at home.
Runaway from all the tears. We plan on moving to Malibu.
And have our own little apartment together. We talk about
it all the time. I think deep down we both know we aren't
gunna have a Malibu apartment. But we do know that we'll
have each other. Sisters for life.

Its kinda sad, we're only 15 years old and we already wanna
die. I know I know! What are you guys thinking? *shrugs* I
dont really know. All I know is, Me and my friend April
have been through a lot. Many people have left us, many
peole have hurt us, many people have made us cry. And
sometimes it seems like theirs no other way out.

And then there's Vanessa. She is truely my best friend.
I've known her since I was 8 years old. Boy were we
innocent. I'm not that innocent anymore, but Vanessa sure
is. She's no good girl. But she sure is innocent. Well,
compared to me and april. I think, no wait! I KNOW that me
and Vanessa are gunna be best friends for life.

Its just this gut feeling I get. Cuz no matter what I do,
what I say, Vanessa seems to always see me as, Monnie...
That little girl that she met when we were 8 years old. And
that just makes me smile.