Shantie

Finding my Light
2002-07-12 08:24:09 (UTC)

Realizations

My sister, Shauday, got her new car today though. It's
a 92 teal Camero v8. I'm really happy because within a
year and a half she and I will have the same cars. Her's a
92 and mine a 2001.
I do miss Nick very much. Hanging out with him and
David in Lake Havasu made me think a lot and it kind of put
things back in perspective for me on how I want my life to
be and the people I want in my life. It kind of sucks
though that I happen to meet two very special guys and yet
they are so far from me.
Realizing how I've been lied to by Kyle and how I could
believe that maybe he cared for me as a person as I did for
him. I admit some part of me still wants to believe that
Kyle didn't just see me as an attractive object he could
keep to himself.
Sorry if this is so long. Just some things are
becoming very clear to me now and it hurts to know that I
am unable to do anything that is in my power right now, but
I do know that with time I will gain the ability to set
certain things right.
I have noticed that I am becoming less interested in
guys and only certain types of guys spark my interest. I
know that this is a very good thing to develope, but it's
really depressing knowing that I am unable to just get with
who ever I wish without feeling any sort of guilt. I kind
of wish that this way of thinking didn't develope in me,
but yet I know it is better for the long run. Maybe this
is a sign that I am more likely to marry early in my life?
I don't know.
I know more of the type of guy I want to marry and
raise children with. I already know of a few who would
make good fathers and husbands and I know I will grow to
love them dearly, but I know they will most likely become
nothing except good examples of what I should search for.
Maybe the man I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with
is in my life now? Maybe...