2002-07-10 09:23:55 (UTC)


Today I was watching Bridget Jones Diary, and that is what
gave me the idea of starting my on-line diary, it's not
like a real diary, but it's pretty much close to it.

I got up around 9am this morning, so I am pretty tired.
I couldn't sleep that well, don't know why.

I have been fighting with my mum for a couple of days now
because I went to a party on saturday night, and I didn't
come home till Monday morning because I had a sleepover
with some friends at my ex-boyfriends house.

I just found out today that my ex-boyfriend still loves me,
that was a big help while we were fighting, yet I broke up
with him a month ago, we still seem to have fights whether
we are together or not, typical male, thats what I recon.

Steve was going to propose to me, yes propose as in
marriage, and I broke up with him just before he was going
to do it, and we were going out for four and a half months,
and I can't believe that he was going to propose to me, it
was my dream for him to do it, but I recon if the time
came, I would have said 'No' anyway. I am just way too
young I mean, I am only 16 and he was going to ask me to
marry him. It's a bit severe, if thats the right word to
use, no, not severe, but extreme, I mean it's marriage, and
thats spending the rest of my life with him, growing old
with him, having kids with him, coming home to him, it does
sound special but the way he treated me, well he treated me
good it's just that I was hurt so many times. We were
always fighting and I couldnt take it anymore, he always
used to walk away when we were having a fight and then
coming back like nothing was up, like nothing ever
happened. I got so annoyed with that, and he used to scream
at me all the time, and I just couldn't take it anymore, it
was just too hard for me to be with him anymore. So I
dumped him, I was crying when I was with him, I used to cry
myself alseep and sometimes I would wake up crying, and I
also did it a while like a couple of weeks after we had
broken up. Evertime he saw me he would be crying and
asking me if we could get back together again, he used to
make me cry as well, but after a week he got over it, and
wanting to ask someone else out or is a friend of mine, so
I felt really saddened by this, coz one minute he loves me
and wants to propose to me and the next he is asking out
one of my friends, I just didn't get that.
Oh well, thats over now, so I don't really care about that

I am getting really sick of being in relationships, I know
I havent dated in a month now, and for me that is actually
pretty good, because it's usually a couple of weeks or
sometimes even less. But Steve was my 13th boyfriend I had
ever been out and I started going out with my first
boyfriend in year 8, who, by coincidence, goes by the name
Steve as well, how unusual...

I like guys, I mean I really like them, but most of them I
probably don't have a chance with, but most of my friends
are like omg, u SO do have a chance, have you asked them
out? ask them out? go on ask them out! And I am like ummmm
naaaah I probably dont have a chance anyway, so there is no

Well I have stopped with relationships, I am not going to
really tell any of my friends that because they will be
like ahhh bull shit, you will get a boyfriend very soon,
most of my friends probably think that I am a slut or
something! But I dont really care what they think of me
anymore, they can think whatever they like, it's their own
opinion and most of them dont even know me that well
anyway! So they can stick their opinions up their ass!

I was slacking around the house today, I need to get out a
bit more, I watch some DVD's, I watched Pearl Harbour, a
bit of Speed, and Bridget Jones Diary, oh yeah and a few
episodes of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" I love Buffy, it is
like the best show ever, mainly because it has Sarah
Michelle Gellar in it!?!? She is sooo cool!

I am going to start..ahhh....stuff....coz I wanna get guys
to like me, I mean I do want a boyfriend, but I want a
decent boyfriend who wont hurt me! So I am going to run at
least 3 times a week, I am going to eat healthy food, and
maybe the occasional junk food once in a while, and I am
going to try to be nice to people, treat them more with
respect, and I am going to get out of the house a bit more,
and plus I have to lose weight, coz I wanna get a guy, you
know, not scare them off!

Well thats all I got to say, so I am off for now, but I am
going to write in this on-line diary every day at the end
of the day, so I will write back in here tomorrow,

Buh Baiz!?!?

MwAh!?!? love rhiannon! :P

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