i_bleed_life

The mediocrity that is me
2002-07-09 10:51:26 (UTC)

"cos i like you...yeah, i like you...and i'm feeling so bohemian like you..."

Obsessions. Fuck. I really have a strange way of becoming
attracted to guys --- I mean really and truly attracted ---
none of that just meeting and liking someone shit.

Danny. Holy cow, that boy is gorgeous. He's beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful. I would date him in a second if I had
the chance. But, once again, thanks to my wonderful drunken
escapades, I think I've already screwed that one up. God,
he's beautiful though. I hardly know him -- that's the
strange thing.

He is more or less a total stranger to me. Granted, I made
out with him like crazy one totally drunken
night. "Drunken" being the key word here. We hardly know
each other. All I know is --- he's gorgeous. Here's this
guy I hardly know and I can't stop thinking about him. It's
extremely strange. Usually, the guys I fall for I've known
for awhile, and we've been friends, or at least in the same
group of friends. Hardly strangers to me. So it's very
weird for me to like this guy as much as I do. Honestly,
I'd consider not going to college for a year just to get to
know him better. I'd be willing to give it all up and
commit --- even if it was only for a month.

Seriously though. He's beautiful. And he's not even my
type. He's just gorgeous. Strangely enough, I thought that
from the first time I saw him --- late at my friend's
birthday party, wearing a suit and tie. I remember my
honest first thought to be "God, he's hot. Too bad he
probably has a girlfriend or would never in a million years
look at me." --- or something along those lines. Anyway, I
know this whole thing sounds completely shallow, and it
probably is to some extent, but it's just a completely new
feeling for me. Just knowing that he invited me to his
kickback makes me....glow. And when she said he asks about
me....I felt loved.

So, here's to being shallow and looking at gorgeous guys,
and wishing for them.

And here's to being too damn insecure to ever act on any of
it.