Mezzo Swede

A Toast to World Domination
2002-07-09 09:49:06 (UTC)

Love and Forgiveness

It's a million o'clock again. I just finished half a bottle
of wine, and some rum and sprite. I also just finished
watching Planet of the Apes, with Luis. He's a poop though,
and as soon as any movie is over, he passes out on the
couch. I am not tired, so I have nothing better to do than
to update my journal, even though I don't feel like it. Oh
well. It's not his fault, I guess.
I went to performance class today. It's good to be back
with Debra. My voice is rested and things are sounding
pretty good. My lesson last week was very productive. After
my lesson though, Debra asked me if Lyndsay and Ian were a
thing. That's such an uncomfortable topic to me. I pointed
out that Lyndsay is married, but Debra just repeated her
question, saying that she had just seen them together. I
said I didn't know.
I played piano at a service for Baylight Church the other
day. The sermon was really, really good. I felt a million
times better about all kinds of things when I left. I felt
a lightness that was really uplifting. The Reverend spoke
of forgiveness, and of leaving emotional burdens behind.
Immediately, several things came to mind, and the thought
of figuratively dumping them, was so wonderful. So I did.
And to the extent that I was capable, I reached a new level
of forgiveness. There were things about my relationship
with Luis, having more to do with his pre-me days, that I
came to realize, really bothered me. A fear of sorts. I
don't know exactly what was said at church that made me
feel so much better, but it was as if I emerged with a
feeling of love, as pure and untained as the day I first
laid eyes on him. I have no other choice than to believe
that this is they way people are meant to love. With truly
open and trusting hearts. And I can only pray that I will
be loved in the same manner.




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