lester

connected meanderings
2002-07-09 07:34:18 (UTC)

avoiding people

my therapist suggested that I'm lonely in part because I
put other people off, don't connect or followup. Perhaps
that's related to my workblock. he seemed to be mocking me
(I know he wasn't but it seemed that way). I suppose the
echoes when a kid I was mocked and derided and bullied. But
I think more to the point, I lost my favored status when
very little because my parents were less busy than later,
my brother came along, my father was ill and hurting, and I
wanted the same halcyon days that I'd had before.

found a book of my father's that I recall him liking: The
Hound of the Baskervilles. I reread it wiht some pleasure
and some distress. I guess I miss him though at the end he
could no longer read from macular degeneration. But he did
connect with other people and I do poorly at that. My
therapist is right and it feels very bleak.




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