Lenore the fool

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PropellerAds
2002-07-09 03:02:29 (UTC)

Searching

It's funny I look up people's diaries hoping to find someone
i know. Someone that is a friend or s close to me, but i
never do. I hope to find T*~*~'s journal. i hope it would
talk about him being a free~standing~soldier and maybe a
mention of me. But no, no one writes about me, no one dreams
about me. And i did write some last night, yeah it sucked so
it's not here. I gained little to nothing from writing
except a question, what would i be able to offer T*~*~ that
other people can't. I mean I don't think I have anything to
offer him at all, especially not more than his girlfriend *
last i knew* she is so sweet and nice and just a better
sweeter pperson than me, so why would he ever want me. Oh
right he wouldn't.


This friend that i'm voluntreeing with saw my ex recently.
Not the one i've ben talking about recently, I actually don't
think i ever talked about him here. Anyway I broke up with
him for the last guy i was with. And we were each other's
first loves and all that crap, i am actually not sure now if
i've ever truely been in love. Well anyway we broke up and
what was suposed to be a okay break up and goingback to just
being friends went terriblely a wry. I'm i was feeling a
little weird but i was dealing, but he couldn't he was still
in love. He kept trying to get us back together. We were
supposed to still go to prom together but i was really
worried that he would try and like "win me back" so i
canceled and took my then boyfriend D. Basically the guy
kept trying to make me feel bad and guilty so instead of
feeling like crap all the time and attempting friendship i
broke off ties. this was like a year ago and then some. So
my friend was at his house for a bbq and mentioned she was
working with me, and apparently he wanted to like know all
about me and was amazed that she was like working with me and
like seeing me. It was so weird. My friend told me he
definetly wasn't over me. God, I kep going through what i
did to...screw him up this way. Apparently he hasn't moved
on at all and i still am a big part of his life, this is a
guy i barely ever think about anymore. It's sort of creepy.
I hope he moves on in his life and expands his circle of
friends. I don't thin i did anything to him other that break
up with him but people do that daily, and yeah it takes a
while to get over it but over a year????and he's not gonna at
this rate get better til he goes out with someone. And
apparently he doesn't want to. How did i do this to someone,
was it me or was it himm....I guess the only thing i can do
to help is to not talk to him still. I'm worried if i do
i'll just help this whole thing along. And he'll never grow
out of it.

I hope my life will end up happy, aand i find theperfect
guy.

~Lenore*


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