Pandora

Pandora's Book
2001-06-28 16:24:09 (UTC)

Thursday, June 28

My biggest enemy is myself. I am the one who pushes
myself to the limits and who proposes impossible challenges.
I am the one who creates the problems in the first place.
Other people encourage me and may insinuate ideas, but in the
end the choices and decisions are entirely up to me. Thus so
are the outcomes.
Today dad asked me to help mow the lawn. I just sat inside
doing nothing, thinking about it. I was scared to go
outside, I dont know why. So he came inside and yelled at me
for not helping. Why do I do that? I instigate the
fights... But for some reason I have some fear of showing
initiative and maturaty around my parents. Id rather get in
trouble and an argument than to actually volunteer to was the
dishes. Even though I would rather do the dishes. whatever.

My mind is screwed, I am afraid of things before they
even happen. I guess thats what anxiety is... trouble
before it even happens. Why do I worry so much? My mind is
constantly bombarded with useless thoughts and worries. Why
cant I be perfect? Thats what I want. Hapiness lies in
perfection.

~Pandora


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