DayDream Believer
2002-07-08 13:21:42 (UTC)

Where our road devides

My geographi exam went grat, I got 5!!
Nw second grade is over and my summer vacation has started,
well, Im working so much that I havent noticed that yet.
But I love making my own money.
Samuel is better agen, now Im the one who is sick, I have
to make an decition on how I want my life for the future,
man I hate that.

Remember the gut, Tommy I told yoy about?
Well, we become like the best of friends. And it was so
great to have a boy friend to be with. Most of my
freindship with boys has started making out drunk on a
party or so, but me and Tommy had never one done that.
When we met I was sure he was gonna kiss me, wel, I wanted
him to kiss me, it was sicks a clock in the morning and we
was the only one awake on the boat, but he didnt. Afther
that I was really happy about that, what we had was spesial.

We started spending more and more time together, there was
allmost none days where I was babysitting our working at
the cafe alone, he always came to keep me with company.
For a while I was wondering why, cuz Im realy not that
secial or great, at least thats what I think.

Then, two weeks ago he had a pre party at his place, me him
and a friend of him. It was fun.
When we`re tougether I always wanna be near him, hug him
and stuff. And we ofthen hustle into each other
by "accident" But I made me swear to my self that no matter
how much I wanted to kiss him when I was drunk, that was
never gonna happend, because I knew I would regret it the
verry next morning. What we had was special and I did not
wanted to ruin our frendship like that.

But this night we had a lot to drink, first at his place
and the when we went out on a club. We danced all night
togerher, and then, (none of us remember when) some time
between beeing on the dancefloor and waiting for my bus, we
started to kiss.
I started to regret it allready on my way home (read: stil
not sober)
And I tryd to call S* a lot of times, but he never picked
up the phone. To bad, so I decided to go to bed.
It was like 6 in the morning and the day when Selina died.
I had brough white roses and all I wanted to do was to be
alone our with Samuel til this day would disapear.

But then S* called, he started the conversation with "what
do you want?" not my faborite way to start an conversation.
I wanted to sleep and he wanted to see me, at this poit I
really wanted to go and see him to, If it havent been because it was
the night Selina dies I belive I would.
So we kind of had this fight, wel, he was upset and angry because I
always do like this (I understand him) and I was tired, upset because
he was like this, because of Selina and that stupid kissing thing
with Tommy.

When I woke up late Saturday morning I keept my phone off all day, I
wanted to talk withn Tommy so bad, but I figured it was the wrong
time to do it. So I spent my day lisning to the music, and doing all
the thins I always do at this day. Me and Samuel went for a walk, we
talked about how much I miss Selina and want her back ,how I feel
about him going to die and about S*, Tommy and the stupis kiss.
I hadent been sleeping much the night so I was tired and all I wanted
to do was to sleep so the day would go away.
Since I had been sleeping a long time in the morning and went early
to bed (I dont need much sleep for the moment) my father got worrid
for me and asked what was wrong.
Can you believe that?
He had forgot about Selina, agen!!
But I sure did not tell him, I guess he figured it out the next day.

Well, then Sunday the first thing I did was to put on my phone, there
was a message from Tommy there and I called him.
We decided to meet in town and we did. I was so nervous to see him
agen, all the way on the buss I was thinking about Friday and trying
to remember things, and I was sure that everything was my foult.

When I sow him everything was normal and we acted like nothing had
happend, we just talked about Friday as a normal day we had been out
and bout said that we didnt remember much.
When we had spend some time together we started to hug a lot and we
also hold hans when we walked cuse he though my hands were "so cold2
and I aggred.
He said he would not let me take that bus home, so I was like okey,
and called my mum to say that I missed the bus and was coming home

Then he said, " I think you was trying to make a mark on my neck
Friday. I rememberd that, and had noticed that he was wearing a
sweater with a long neck, I believed that was why, but since he was
beeing so shallow with the whole thing so was I.
And he said, I think you should do it, make a mark on my neck.
And I was like, are you sure? Cause it aint funny to meet your
parents or friends with a kissing mark on your neck, but he said yes.
So I tryd to make one, I didnt make it, but when I lifthed my head my
agen he kissed me, and I thougt that was why he didnt wanted me go

On my way home I regrat the whole thinh agen, and this time I could
not say that I was drunk eather, oh nooo.
We made it, we actually made it. We went back to normal but the we
ruin that agen, why??

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