Ad 2:
2001-06-28 05:59:00 (UTC)

fuck me.

i am filled with such hatred there is not enough words to
i hate.
i hate.
i hate
i hate.
i loved you.
do you realize that.
i honsetly fucking did.
probably the ONLY fucking person in your FUCKING LIFE who
has EVER given a fucking unselfish SHIT about you.
i did shit for you hun.
i loved you.
i helped you.
i cooked for you.
i didnt get pissed when you didnt call me back.
i didnt get pissed when you blew me off for a club.
i DEALT with your SHIT and LOVED you ANYfuckingway.
do you realize that?
will you ever fucking realize that?
and its because i loved you
that i hate you.
that i will probably hate you forever.
no matter what i may tell you.
you know.
you know me.
you spend time with me and you know how i work.
you know how i feel about certain things
and you
of all fucking people
should know.
that i do not deal with people hurting me anymore.
i am over that bullshit.
why i am really pissed.
is that.
you know.
that i dont LET myself care about many people for this
exact reason.
you hurt me.
i let YOU into my little life.
and what the FUCK do you do.
hurt me.
WHY is it.
that i cared about you.
that i did what i did for you
with you
because of you
why did i let myself love you
i should have fucking known better.
you know.
i should have.
and youll probably try to hurt me some more.
or maybe.
youll come back.
and apologize.
because maybe you ACTUALLY cared about me.
but you know baby.
you know me.
thats whats fucking hillarious.
you know me.
and you know.
that i dont forgive anymore.
we may even be friends again.
but it will never be like it was before this night.
because i gave you power over me
and you took advantage of it.
just like any person would right.
maybe i just SHOULDNT care anymore
would that make eveythibg better in my life.
being a stupid asshole zombie like everyone else.
im really pissed.
you have affected me.
and youll probably gloat about it.
i really hope.
that you are satisfied.
and that youre happy with all of this.
happy with the fact that you completly direspected and
degraded me.
all i ever did was be there for you.
dont you realize that.

so, i guess you dont have to worry about me hurting you and
breaking your heart now baby.
do you.
because you have successfully fucked it all up, before i
even could.
i guess its all enevitable huh.

and im not crying.
funny right.
i guess you just helped me the fuck along on my whole going
numb and ignorant thing huh.
i should have fucking known.
i really fucking should have.
you know.
its not even like a fuck you.
its a fuck ME.
just FUCK ME.
fuck me for being sincere.
and honest.
and definetly.
fuck ME
for caring.