lindsay ann

somewhere in between
2002-07-08 06:57:01 (UTC)

who am i...?

haha well the week up at the lake was great...really
gave me a chance to just chill and think a lot (about
heaven knows what) and talk to God about a lot of stuff.
that's something i've been majorly slacking in lately and
it was good to work on my EG stuff and just pray about
the crazy psycho things going on in my mind. haha. i
also bought "passion and purity" by elisabeth elliott (i
don't care if i spelled it wrong, ok?) and i thought it was
interesting but slightly psychotic. i still can't imagine
not kissing until your wedding day. and i talked to my
dad about it and he said that she was crazy and that
kissing isn't a part of sex, and that kissing in a dating
relationship is a good thing. and i agree. but i realize i
have no need to even worrry about sex or for that matter
kissing right now. oh well...

but this week was boy central. there were a ton of
townies there (people from fresno county who come
up) so that made for quite a feast of the eyes. but
there's this local guy i've seen before, and he's working
at the marina his family owns now and he's sooo cute.
he's all tan and has kinda long hair and runs all the
boats & stuff. um and his name is steven jr. and he's
catholic and he goes to SUHS, which is where i would
have gone to school if we'd moved there. ahhh but i
guess he's like 15 which is a disappointment.

but this week has made me crazy wishing we'd moved
up there. and then at the same time, wishing i was
going back to cam high next year. and wishing i could
be as quiet as i really am. i don't know why i do the
loud, stupid things i do. the real me is the girl who
climbs a rock so she can be alone for two hours just
looking at everything in the world.

gosh this EG study is already amazing for me. it's
helped so much for me to refocus on the "good stuff".
but when i start focusing on good stuff, i realize how
shmutzy i am, and it's hard to know if i'll ever be able to
say, "wow i'm hardly sinning at all!" uuugh yeah right.

wow what an ADHD entry. i guess i'll finish it off with
another different topic :-D my dad & i were talking about
this, and if renting a house works out and i have a car
by then, i might get to work at shaver next summer. i
want to stay up there from mid-june until the end of july
and work in a marina. i don't know what the odds of it
happening are, but i have enough hookups up there
and i reeeeally want to. hmm wouldn't that be cool?