the roads not taken
2002-07-08 03:32:47 (UTC)

one door closes...another opens

i shoulda started writting earlier tonight cause i'm tired
and i have alot to say. guy wise. me wise. and friend wise.
i feel like i'm losing my taste for the neighborhood
people. like about the girls.... i care about them and i've
always knowni was different and thought differently but we
were still friends and had fun. but i guess as we're
growing up its jsut clearler that we don't have much of
anything in common. and i'm done inoring the fact that i've
always an after thought or 2nd best. cause i'm better than
that. and this really hurts me...all of it that is wasmy
safe steadt place and it never really was that in the 1st
place and that i do care about them but i don't see it
staying all so close. and sean....omg he brings me down. i
feel used and i don't care thats he all depressed that
doesn't give him the right and i treat him way better than
he treats me and i always knew it wasn't right. but in
front of other neighborhood people hes just not acting
right esp if they day befpre we were all over each other
and romantic, well not really romantic. they all think john
is weird for hanging out with christys parents he he see
how lame we...they are. but i'm not going to voice that
opinion. well my opening door is jeremy...there always has
been something about him. yeah he can be rude and crude and
piss e off and hurt me and i can do the same to him (just
minus the rude and crude) but we've been talking online and
it really seems like we are past that stuff and hes there
for me and understand me. i want to be with him, we are
gonna hang out next week. he has a girlfriend but they are
going to have to break up soon. hes just i dunno. he wants
to be my hero and take care of me ad thats just great and
we do go way back. well see how it goes when we are alone.
hes never take advantage of me. but i am worried that hes
just playing with me.... damn that would hurt. if all is
true i just feel like hes on my level with stuff and i'm
ont trying to impress and i'm not looking yo be in pressed.
hes said he really likes em and always has. and just sweet
stuff. who knows.... if it wasn't for joey or ian or both
(god that would be awesome) jeremy and i would still be
together.... that would be 3 years....! hes going off to
miltary school and thats good i don't like seenig people at
school. this probably jsut a dumb pipe dream but whatever.
i'll dream it now. i dig emo music. summers are great to
change, i thought last summer altered my did but i
just feel different. oh yeah i got my learners and then we
when to visit my granny, she isn't doing good. i shoudl
call her and talk to her more, she seen alot but i haven't
and i feel bad for it. i think i'll call her tomorrow.