Mista Of Silent Death

Ramblings of the Mad and Distrubed
2002-07-07 22:17:49 (UTC)

My best friends

Well first ill start with Ben..... He lives in North
Carolina.. I miss him terribly and I hope he misses me as
much we are like 2 peas in a pod i have never really fought
with him nor do i ever want to start... We all have our
problems and Ben is my most best friend becos if i could
choose anyone to talk to it would be him cos i know for
sure he would be there for me no matter what i a the same
for him........ I used to have a big problem with his boy
friend John but i came to realise it wasnt his fault i
hated him so its becos i am scared of being alone and i
thought he was taking ben from me and i wouldnt have that
no way in hell so i did allot of things to break them up
and now i feel really shitty about that but the past is the
past and i am talking to him again and trying to rebuild a
friendship me and him never really had..... But now i want
nothing more than to be a friend to him and be a damn good
one..... I have allot of growing up to do and me, ben and
john all do but we all have problems and maybe we can get
through this together i am so tired of being alone and sad
and suscidal all the time....... I mean i have thought if i
died then no one would care maybe just maybe they will.....

Now about rhonda she has been there most of my adult life
for me she is very short and annoying at times but i do
love her very much she too is in NC........ Away from me
maybe that is a good thing maybe the fact i am not there
and bothering them with my patheticness they are all better
off so maybe my going to job corps was the best for them
after all........ God i miss them so much... anyways Rhonda
has problems with her family well see what it is is the
fact she cant say no to them her mother is disabled and her
father is a massive tool and she is gay lol and her sister
is kinda a whore and got her self pregant....... Yeah that
harsh but i hate her family...... I wont get into that.....
Well if she would just grow a back bone and realise she
could have an life some where else then her life would be
allot better ill go more indept with the shit with her
later im not in the mood to write 50 pages tonight

Ill write more later Mistra