Me and More
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2002-07-07 18:29:59 (UTC)

I give up...

Dear Diary,

I woke up this morning with one thing perfectly clear to
me.....I should give up all hope on everything. Ya sure, I
have fun in certain things but, Nothing is ever going to
happen for me. So I state here and now I give up. I'm just
not gong to try any more. What's the point? The more I try
to reach something, the more hurt I get or the further away
it gets.

I'm so low right now that I started crying in the car when
I heard the song Hero. Everyone tells me, even my horoscope
says that I give other people strength and bring happiness
to their lives. That they look to me to be the best of
friend. I know I make a great friend, but who is out there
to give me strength? Where is my love? I have a wonderful
best friend ans she knows she is. But that's not what I'm
talking about. I'm just so worn out I don't know what to do

I really don't know how much longer I can live with all
these fucking emotions. So I'm just going to try and push
it in and hopefully I'll become cold. I just have to harden
myself and my heart. I think if I do that I'll be better
off in this world. Don't worry Brett, Michelle, Jackie, or
Tabitha, it's nothing that y'all did. Let's just say the
past few months have really hit me hard.

I want my friends to know, that I'll still be there for
them and love them as I do now. I'm just not going to feel
anymore. Or at least try not to.

So with that, I'm going to finish here, get in the shower
and cry, then get in bed and cry some more. Maybe tomorrow
I'll have cried so much I can't cry any more.


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