eidolon

shifting mists
2002-07-07 06:13:45 (UTC)

an offer ...

.. Jeremy called today from Calgary .... i guess he's
having a tough time of it there ... no motel .. just a
camper trailer ... and not knowing anyone .. he said the
wedding was .... interesting ... but, he said he got a lot
of ideas and stuff from it all the same .. things he'd show
and discuss with me when he got here later this month to
visit ...

... i guess he'd been talking about us with someone over
there ... sorting out his feelings .. about our new
agreement .. about what happened last week .... he said
he'd been doing a lot of thinking ...

... he offered to stop drinking all together ... asked
me ... if it made me uncomfortable that he did it at
all ... and i had to admit .. that yes .. it did ... he
offered to change our agreement to him not drinking at
all ... and i said no ... i told him that the agreement we
had is fair and manageable ... livable for a very long
time ... but that ... if he wanted to quit drinking all
together it had to be up to him and him alone ... not some
agreement or compromise made between the two of us ....
that to make it an agreement would be more than just a
compromise .. it would be a restraint ... a restraint that
over time could become difficult, uncomfortable and
chaffing ...

... i explained that our agreement doesn't mean that
he ~ has to ~ go out and drink once a week ... it simply
means that the option is there if he wants it ... whether
or not he decides to do it is up to him .... and that
either decision is okay to me as long as he sticks to that
agreement and doesn't go over ....

... i also explained that i felt a compromise would be
worthless ... that AnY kind of agreement would be worthless
... UnLeSS it was something that could be kept and something
that could be comfortably lived with... i didn’t/don’t think
that what he’d suggested would be over the long haul ...

... he seemed to understand what i was saying ... at least
i hope he did .... i'm not saying i wouldn't be happy if he
stopped altogether ... but ... i can't ask him, let alone
demand him, to do that ... it's not fair to him to put that
kind of a restraint on him .. that sort of decision should
be a personal choice ... not a ''compromise'' ..