blah blah blah blah blah
2001-06-27 21:17:07 (UTC)

you know how when you mention someone you haven't seen for awhile, they reappear?

It figures. The day after I write for the first time about
dickhead, he shows up on my front step for the first time
in a month. We haven't talked since the last fight we had,
and I briefly saw him once at the pub, but he left when he
realized i was there because he was apparently with some
girl. dickhead.

So, he shows up because "i don't have your number." And he
ended up staying the whole night. That's the way to get
over someone, really. It was nice though. We talked,
though we didn't "talk". He came by, he says, to tell me
about Gib's surprise birthday party this Friday. Of
course, I'm going to go even though dickhead will be there,
you only turn 21 once (unless you're giblin who has had a
fake i.d. for a few years now). I really do miss sleeping
in his arms every night....but I must stop that. No more
wishing things could be the same as before, because I don't
want them to be. I don't want to go back to the same-old-
shit, it's not healthy. I don't even know if being on
speaking terms with him is a good idea, though not being on
speaking terms drives me absolutely crazy.

I really don't have an easy time getting close to people
and trusting them and letting them know who I am. Mick is
one of the few people with that pleasure, and to lose his
friendship really sucks for me because of that. He's the
one person who listens to me talk about the little things
like how work's doing, my plans for moving to london, stuff
I have in my head. And he wants to hear it, he asks to hear
it. So, maybe I need to find that balance. Friends, and
that's it. But, not friends when we see each other in the
pub. Friends who spend time, outside of drinking time,
together Oh, I don't know. My mind's about to explode.


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