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Dark Secrets
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2002-07-07 01:04:16 (UTC)

Breathe!

If i cannot trust the person i love, then i shouldnt find
another to love anymore...it will be the same, the same
fear and insecurity feeling occuring in me. It's not the
person, it's ME.

Ken shouted at me over the phone, screamed for 35 mins for
the first time, to wake me up, realise that i have to do
sth abt myself...do what? it's time to think. There's alot
to improve on my personality, if i dun, i cannot blame Fung
for not appreciating what i currently possessed. I have to
get my brain working, not live in a daze all day long
depending on people and scenarios, it will lead me away.
It's time to be more independent on my own brain, I'm no
longer young anymore. I have to be more rational, be in
control of my emotions, learn to live, get a life, know
what i want, and learn to love. Learn to love the nature,
love my place, love the things i do, love the situation,
and love people. I hope i will instill this into my mind n
be constantly watching over it.

He wanted more time and free space, well i shall give it to
him, it will do him gd, make him happy, well why not? don't
i trust him, eh? it's not my fault if he betrays my trust,
i just want to do my part, play my role to be the best for
him. I can start getting myself a life, not living on
someone else. Start to give myself space to breathe, think,
learn and appreciate things. It's quality not quantity, he
said, my lecturers said.

Time to get cracking on my projects, think, plan, look,
read, find out, surf. Time for critical learning, i've been
missing out alot on life for the past months or years. What
have i become? mosses in a well? Time for self indulgence,
in that way, i will love myself more and free my mind off
unwanted thoughts.

Love,
myself


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