nin137

Nick's Journal
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Ezoic
2002-07-06 19:43:19 (UTC)

My biggest fear ever... and why you should be happy in the end.

Do you ever worry that you only love someone so that you
do not feel alone? The only reason you love that person
is because you want someone to care that you exist. You
think... what meaning does life have if you are walking
around with no one paying attention to you? Its like
watching a movie all alone and not enjoying the funny
parts cause no one will laugh with you. What if the truth
is you really aren’t important in the big scheme of
things? You just want to think you are because someone
loves you. And perhaps the only reason that the person
loves you is because of their faith that you love them
back. So its like two people are clinging onto nothing
but air when they love each other. Because faith fades so
easily... that love is just a measure of how dependent a
person is on not feeling alone.

This would mean that love is meaningless. It is a facade
to feel good.

This is my worst fear ever. I think its worst then death
itself. Because it means we are alone when we are alive.

Sometimes it just pays to not think too much and just be
happy.

So heres my point:
Be happy everyone. You can control your emotions. You
have the choice of how you perceive things. Love the
people who enjoy being around you. They ARE important
because you say they are. Love isn’t a facade because you
say it isn’t. Love is real. Don’t be scared of the
future ruining it all. Because every moment is as
permanent a record in history as the next. The past is as
real as the present.

I am thankful that we are all human beings. Those sad
lonely creatures who have the capacity to feel so much and
with such a wide range of feeling too. I’m so grateful
life has turned out this way. I am looking down on the
world from the clouds and seeing that its all so
beautiful. Even if it is laughable.

Nick I love you more than anything. :)

-Juliann


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