eidolon

shifting mists
2002-07-05 07:59:13 (UTC)

don't make me sorry ...

... throughout my entire life ... every time my heart has
become involved with a man in some way it has been
crushed ... torn out ... or picked apart ... lesson upon
lesson of ricocheting pain ...

don't make me sorry i fell in love with you
i'm scared
i wasn't
but now i am

.... the only exception was Levi .... and even that fell
apart at the seams ... his heart being shredded instead of
mine .... and my guilt and pain at having done that to him
eating away at me ...

.. and that's the thing ... every single time i have
followed my heart i have been made sorry .. very sorry ..

please don't make me feel that way again

... what makes me think that this time will be
different? ... what makes me follow my heart once
again? ... i thought i'd been burnt enough ...hurt
enough ... and yet ... here i am ... in love ....

damnit
i'm scared
why

... WHY did this one single incident with Jeremy.. this one
single moment of dishonesty from him .. tear me up so bad
inside? ...
.... why has it awakened all of these fears? ...
... why can't i squash them after the incident has now been
settled? ...

the fear eats at me
it tears at me

... my soul is trembling in fear ... it is screaming
out ... screaming, ''Please Jeremy ... PLEASE don't make me
sorry i followed my heart this one last time ... please...''