Cute Chaos

Trouble
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2002-07-05 05:09:59 (UTC)

First Entry

Well this is my first entry. I thought that this would be a
great idea. Something to store my thoughts and feelings but
also to share them. You'll have to wait before I make this private, I
want to have a few entries before hand.

Today was the worlds most boring day ever. I hate being
grounded. For the last week I have been stuck inside the
house doing nothing. Yeah I get to talk on the phone or go
online but that only entertains me for so long. Although my
two younger brothers have got to go fishing for the last
week. They also got to swim and go jet skiing! I talked to
my dad about it and he just blew it off. We all get ground
for their mistakes and yet I am the only one serving the
punishment. I am really pissed off that I did not get to do
anything this 4th of July. Hell I even had the chance to go
big bang!

My boy toy went out of town yesterday for 3 days. I am
going to miss him so much. I love talking to him. I feel
like I can tell him everything. There is just this "clique"
that happened and for once I don't feel like I have to
hide. I think it is kind of weird considering how we meet.
I have not meet him in person yet. I can't wait until I do.
I know him through a friend of mine Korrie. We just started
talking to him on the net and soon exchanged phone numbers.
I love to hear his voice so soft and gentle. When he talks
to me late at night his voice is so soothing it puts me to
sleep. I could listen to him talk forever. He is the
sweetest thing too. Anytime I am in a bad mood he tries to
cheer my up. Just knowing that he is happy makes me
content. Hopefully it is the same for him.

Chris dumped me the other day. Even though we only dated
for three weeks I felt so much emotion. When we first
started going out I did not really like him. The only
reason I agreed is because I did not want to hurt his
feelings and I think I was really excited that a boy liked
me. I have had boyfriends before but I have been avoiding
all relationships to prevent being hurt. I was getting
lonely so I gave in. I started to force myself to like him
after Jon found out that I did not and still dated him.
Then I think I really did like him. When he dumped my I was
happy because he had stared to act like a jerk. Although I
still felt really crushed because he could not tell my that
he found someone else and all other reasons.

I am really starting to have second thoughts on my
friends. I know I should not believe rumors although the
people that tell me I know would not lie to hurt my
feelings. And I too have been feeling excluded from Korrie
and Jessi. I don't mean to make them upset or have them
find me annoying. I just try to make people laugh. Then
when I act any differently or mellow they think that
something is wrong. I can't win. It is really hard to make
friends not only for me but anyone. I just want to cry when
I feel that I am not good enough or I don't fit in with
them.

Korrie just moved to the city because of her land lord and
now I am going to have the worlds most boring summer. I am
not going to be able to visit her or run over to her house
when something is wrong. I am going to be the only person
in WL (abbreviation for the cities) cause everyone else is
in Msk. I know Korrie had to move 45 mins away but she
always had a ride places or is able to have people come
over. Not only that but she is getting her license soon and
a car. I really hope that she is able to go back to the
same school. Also that her family can find a home in WL or
Msk in time for school. Gosh, sometimes I HATE Korrie so
much. She always brags about the guys who like her or what
she did or what she is going to do. Korrie is just always
bragging. She is so superficial too. Always making fun of
people who look different for something they can not
control. Like how someone's hair looks after gym class
(before they brush it). It always seems like a competition
with her. And as you guessed she always likes to be best. I
really like Korrie as a friend, she is be so much fun.
Although it seems like when she does not know how to act in
a situation she turns into a total bitch. I may not like
all of these things but because I like her as a friend I
accept her for who she is, good and bad. Never with her
though. Her favorite line is "OH MY GOD! Who does that!? I
mean seriously!" She needs to learn that not everyone is
going to act just like her or how she wants them to.

Before I go totally emotional I am going to stop. I need to
shower also.

~Alex


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