Krystal Faerie

My life...as told by Krystal Faerie
2001-06-27 06:31:03 (UTC)

*~What Is Wrong With me?~* prt 2

I think about Brandon most of the time. I will not say all
of the time, because that is not true. I get jealous when I
hear my other friends talk about their boy/girlfriends
because I know that the other person spends most of their
time talking about the other also. I am trying to stop
talking about Brandon all the time, I really am.
Maybe I fall in love too easily...I don't know. My dad told me that
I have the right to be jealous of all those other girls
that Brandon hangs out with because I am supposed to be the
only one he is interested in. I feel really bad about myself when I
start to feel jealous because I am pretty sure that Brandon doesn't
get jealous when I talk to other guys. I honestly don't like talking
to other guys either...it makes me feel like I am doing something I
should not be doing. I mean, even though she is a bitch, my
mom has a point there. I shouldn't have too many other guy
friends when I am with someone...well, I know I am not with
Brandon anymore, but I still feel like I belong to him
because we are gonna try to get through this shit and get
back together sometime (hopefully).
I hate myself when I start to feel slightly possessive
over Brandon also...but my dad says that I am supposed to be that way
if I am with someone. I am afraid that if I am possessive and he
knows it, that I will blow the whole thing. I have told him that
it doesn't bother me that he is friends with Heather (both
of them) and Britney and her friend , but I think he knows
that it really does. I mean, it really upset me yesterday when he
went driving around with Britney and her little friend just
to find Ron...and he didn't even ask me if I wanted to
go...usually he does.
He will probably disagree with me on this, but I seem to have
noticed, that from my view point (and everyone's p.o.v. is
different), the time he used to spend with me, he has been spending
most of that with little Heather and Britney and her friend. (I'm
just gonna call her "airhead" because she acts like one). I know he
has other friends, but when he tells me that he is coming
back and I find out that he was hanging out with these
other girls, it is like someone stabs me with a knife. Like
the other day for instance...he told me that he would be
right back as soon as he dropped Britney and Airhead
off...I waited for about 2 hours and he never came back...I
saw him when I was out walking, trying to alleviate some of
the hurt and tension that had been building up inside me
since he has never came back. He was in the car with Ron.
Honestly, that really made me mad. He told me he was coming
back and he decided to hang out with Ron instead.
I have given everything to Brandon...my heart, my soul, and
everything I possible can.
I just wish he understood how much he means to me...hopefully after
he reads this, he will understand and he isn't...what's the
term...scared-off? The perfect way I feel right now,
because I am so confused and I don't know what to do, is
the song "Have You Ever..." by Brandy.


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