Bert

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2002-07-04 22:00:24 (UTC)

misfire

It's almost 5, just got out of the shower, have been
watching movies with my mom all day.
This guy wants me to go watch the fireworks with his parents
tonight, I'm not sure if I want to go. It might be weird,
sort of confirmation that there is actually something going
on when I really don't want there to be. I hang out with my
other guy friends and their parents all the time, go out to
eat with them and stuff, but it's different, we're
completely platonic.
He tried to guilt me, said that if I didn't want to hang out
with him, he would go drinking with his friends. He's a
recovering alcholic, but it's not my job to keep him sober.
He's so stupid, so like a girl sometimes. It doesn't feel
right to constantly feel like the guy in the relationship.
I don't know what I want to do tonight, sit in the backyard
and watch the fireworks maybe. I don't like big crowds, I
don't want to be seen as a stereotype, another couple
holding hands, oh how cute, when nothing like that is going
on. I don't want him to try and hold my hand in front of
his parents, and then watch myself feel too bad to pull
away. Or, pull away and be awkward, because his parents are
watching...
I cannot type today, fingers too slow, keep mispelling
words.

I want it to be tomorrow already, I hate holidays, everyone
acting a part.

Ok, got to blow dry hair, decide what to wear, decide if I'm
going to wear any makeup. Maybe I will just go with him,
just so he won't be mad at me. He's such a girl.




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