lilplayette25

June 27, 2001

Wow, I can't believe I actually got this online diary
thing. That's something I thought I'd never do. But at
least now my mom can't read all of my private thoughts,
especially about things that she doesn't need to know. I
always feel like she doesn't want me to go anywhere or do
anything, and she's unfair to me about who I want to be
friends w/and go out w/. I've never done anything that
should cause her not to trust me. She used to trust me-
back when it didn't count because I wasn't old enough to go
anywhere anyway. Like it really mattered then, but oh
well. Now I don't know what to do now because she gets mad
over the smallest little thing. But on a separate note,
this summer I have basically been a "lilplayette" as i have
come to be known. And I like being like that, but for once
I'd like to have a serious relationship. I don't care how
young I am. But I mean, I like flirting and stuff, but it
just doesn't satisfy me like I need to be satisfied. I
want to be w/somebody that I care about, but whenever I
think I find somebody the relationship blows up in my
face. All of my recent relationships have all ended in
some kind of tragedy. And I know everybody would say, "oh
but you're so young and you have your whole life for
this." well i don't really care what they say because I
know what I want and I know that my life is all about me
and I need someone to help me direct my attention elsewhere
so that every once in a while I won't be concerned w/me and
be selfish like I so often am. I mean I want to be in
control of myself enough that I know what I want and that I
stick to it, but I also want to be able to give too. And I
can never do that if I can't find someone that deserves my
attention. I recently made a new friend that said that
someone told her that "mr. right" was out there somewhere
and she said that she thinks her mr. right got run over by
a truck. I have to agree w/her on that, except I think
my "mr. right" got run over by a truck that i was driving.
For some reason I feel like my mr. right is right in front
of my face but I have no clue who he is. And I'm around
lots of guys all the time so I can never figure it out. Oh
well, I think I've written enough for now. Au revoir!