the wanderer

doo-hickey nonsense
2002-07-04 09:29:31 (UTC)

In Limbo

What the fuck am I doing?
More importantly, what the fuck am I not doing?
What the fuck am I going to do?

Simple questions...with, so far, cloaked answers being
provided in response. Truth is, I don't have the slightest
clue as to what I'm gonna do. In that, I'm referring to
tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. At the same
token, I don't really lose any sleep over it. I know I'm
sounding like your typical 20 year old, but that's just a
period of life that most go through, a fling of
uncertainty. I'm the ONLY person who can alter this
pattern, and I don't see any logical reasons to. I need a
niche. Have I already been introduced to my calling? Should
I keep waiting and/or searching? Perhaps I've been so
misled in the past that when I encountered it I tossed it
aside out of fear.

No longer do my eyes light up every time one of my nieces
or nephews enters my presence. No longer does my train of
thought lean towards longing for love. Before, I'd denied
facts that would make most people proud. Now, there's truly
nothing to be proud of. In all of this, my relationship
with my mother and my brother have never been in a better
state.

latest habit: pining