Me and More
2002-07-04 07:19:53 (UTC)

Happy 4th :-(

Dear Diary,

Well yet another holiday is upon us. I wish all of you a
happy fourth.

I really am beinging to hate holidays, Christmas, New Years
and Valentines are the worst. I just hate being alone for
the holidays. And what makes it worse is hearing about all
the couples celebrating. Blah!

I feel like sleeping this day away, just so I can escape to
my dreams. I'm happy in my dreams, safe, and loved. I guess
what's got me in this mood again is that I believe in
horoscopes and it said something was suppossed to happen
and it didn't. It's got me down.

The good news is that today I looked in the mirror and I
didn't see what i normaly see. I saw someone that does have
beauty, some one that is a good person. I was beautiful
today. You want to know why? Because of something that a
dear friend told me on the phone last night. Thanks hun.

I just hate it cuz I'm feeling good and then I'm not. This
is just general loneliness. Many years now I have been lost
and alone on these days and it's getting a lil old. You now
what's really sad? And for some fucked up reason i remeber
this every fucking holiday. Even in school I was this
lonely. I had friends in school but no one really cared. No
one took a second glance.

Lost and alone
You say you care
But would you notice if I wasn't here
Would you see me missing from here

How long would it take you
Would some one have to point it out
I'm lost and alone
And forever will be

You say you love me
But I don't think you do
I feel as if I'm just here for you
When you need me

I'm lost and alone
And forever will be

I've got so many feeling right now, so many thoughts.
Things are just not going right for me at this time. I've
got some thinking to do on somethings so i'm out for now.
More tomorrow.


Ps. Michelle that has nothing to do with you. Or you Brett.
The poem. It's just an expression of my feelings at this
point and time. I luv you guys and I know you love me. :-)