Wo ist Amanda?
I used to be hella close with my sister. But when she
moved out, she became a total stranger to me. Now two of
my older sisters and my older brother are having babies.
My sisters are only 18. They are so stupid...I don't
understand them. My mom said she was surprised that I
wasn't the one who was pregnant! Bitch. I've only been
with one guy anyways! Speaking of...I seriously miss
Erick. I still cry for him, even after we've been
seperated for four months already. I know I'm pathetic,
but I can't help it that I love him more than anything. He
means so much to me, he's such a big part of my life. I
know I need him...but I also know that he doesn't need me
anymore. That kills me inside. I'm so alone.
I started working at Tony's Pizzaria on Monday. I work
again tonight. I'm in the whole training process, so I
have to be careful that I don't mess up or I'll get yelled
at. I hate it when people yell at me, it makes me feel so
small, ya know? Besides, I hate to disappoint anyone...I
just want everyone to be happy with me all the time, it'd
be so much easier that way!
I seem to be losing a lot lately. My friends, my family,
Erick, sleep, my sanity, etc. I seriously can't ever sleep
at night. I get 3 or 4 hours of sleep at the most each
night...then I'm tired the next day. My friend tells me I
need a boyfriend to get my mind off of all this bull shit,
but I think that would only create more conflict in my
life. I am so bored right now. I want to call Erick...but
I don't know what I'd say. "Erick, I love you! Take me
back! I'm so sorry for everything!" No, I couldn't say
that, I'd only scare him off even farther from me. "So,
wanna hang out?" "Sure, what do you want to do?" "........I
have no idea. I'm broke, and there's nothing to do in
Lodi." Yup...that would get me nowhere. You see, it's
pointless to even try. I'm lost. I'm lonely. Save me.
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