notyobarbie

this time around
2002-07-03 14:08:52 (UTC)

What about Dan?

i don't know what it is, i don't understand why i always
need to either be in a relationship, or, why i always have
to hold on to one until the next one comes along. . . i
don't really think it's fair to me, or the people tht i date.
Just like with Dan, i met dan while i was at bording
school. i met him while i was going out with this guy
rob, who i didn't even like, i think i was just dating him
so i could have a "boyfriend" and then i wasted a year of
my life, being in love with dan, and only seeing him
twice since we'd been "going out". needless to say it
didn't last. i do love dan. and we do have a lot in
common. but we have 500 miles and a big fuckin lake
in between us, so its really not reasonable to think we
could maintain a relatonship. so the summer of 2002, i
meet Mike. i like him, but i don't feel like there's "magik"
it doesn't feel special. . . and i relly think it's because i
feel guilty about not thinking about dan every 5 min. But
why the fuck should i? why should i feel like i owe him
something when he's the one that can't even bring
himself to tell me he loves me when im crying on the
phone to him about how much i miss him and how
much i hate to be without him? i say fuck him, i make
the effort, and get no recegnition, he comes to visit me
one weekend because he didn't have anything better to
do, and all the sudden he's the worlds best fucking
boyfriend, and im the one who doesn't give a shit. . .
right? fuck him. i may not know what i want, but i know
that it should be better than this. . .




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