Fish 'n Chips
2001-06-26 16:52:18 (UTC)

"I'm so sorry...."

Music: Girlfriend In A Coma-The Smiths
Random Thought: I wonder what Tom is doing at this very

I feel sick. I feel weak. I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel
like a horrible person. (because I am) I feel guilty.

I feel all of these things because of Tom. Not that it's
his fault or anything. I just feel like shit because Tom
and I broke up last night. For good. Why is it that people
say they love each other and that they want to spend the
rest of their lives together, and then the next day they
can break up? It's strange. I miss him already. But I can't
do it again, I just can't. It's too much to deal
with...right now. He lies about everything. He started
lying to me like...the first week we started hanging out.
He needs....god I don't know, he needs help. He went as far
as telling me that he had this girlfriend for 2 years and
they had talked about getting married (that made me feel
worthless and just plain stupid)...but then, she had died
in a carwreck. When they were both doing coke. Of course
that was a lie too, because Tom never did coke. I remember
when we first started talking, he told me he was a manic-
depressive. That too, was a lie. Why do people lie about
things like that? He's still a good person inside and all,
he just lies too much. I can understand lying somewhat
excessively when you're a child, because I did that...but
now? There's something a little wrong there. ::sigh:: I
don't know..I did love him. I do love him. I don't really
know what to say or think or do or feel. Heh...everyone we
know used to say "You two are so cute together.", "You two
are so perfect for each other.", "You two are going to end
up getting married." blah blah. It was weird because
EVERYONE said that. Everyone. I'd never been in a
relationship before where everyone said those kinds of
things. I'd never been in a relationship like this
before...I love him more than anything..I just...can't
handle his lying and our fighting all the time. It would
have been 8 months...tomorrow. Not a very long time, I
know...but it seemed long to me.

I hope I can get out of the house and do something to get
my mind off of this. Ashleigh is still in my room asleep. I
can't sleep. Weasel is supposed to come over after school
today, around 2 I guess. If not then, "later" he said. He's
probably gonna go spend some more "quality time" with his
girlfriend. Heh. Who has the same fucking hair cut as me.
God. Everyone is getting their hair cut like this. It
always makes me look like I'm trying to be whatever
everyone else is. Pisses me off. Oh well. It's just hair.
Anyway....we're supposed to go to the mall so Ash can hand
out flyers for Jimmy's band. Weasel was being pretty nice
last night. Him and Ash left to go get something to drink
and he bought me a Mountain Dew....even though I told him I
did not want anything and if he bought me something I'd
kick his ass. Damn him.