ramona

Heart-shaped box
2002-07-02 21:17:26 (UTC)

i ve decided that i like..

i've decided that i like writing in all lower case, and
i like the way my name looks when it's in al lower case, it
looks like it could blow away or something. or maybe just
fade out.
i want to be a writer, not because i'm particularly good
at writing, i almost failed block last semester because my
essay was so bad, but because it's always been easy for me
to think of stories. i guess it comes from years and years
of pretending that i'm someone else whose somewhere else.
give me a second and i can create an entire world in my
head. it can be depressing though, it feels like i'm not
really alive. i used to sit and name all these things about
myself saying aloud all my favorite things so i could feel
more like a real person instead of just a dream. but within
moments i was saying all these traits of some other cooler
person, who, can you believe it, didn't, doesn't even
exist.
who am i. i don't even know. i don't even know if i care.
but for the moment i think i do. i change my mind a lot,
maybe by tomorrow i won't.
i want to be a writer because pictures flash before me
inside my head whenever i want them to, its really
addicting, i can's stop daydreaming, i can't decide if i
want to stop. someone once said that they can see only
words in their mind! wouldn't that be like reading a book
or something. mine is more like creating a movie, maybe i
should be a film director instead of a writer, but i like
the writers lifestyle more. and one thing i've always been
good at is reading, what a boring skill.
i think i might be skitzofrenic (spelled wrong), eventually
i want to research mental illnesses, i know somethings
wrong with me. tell me if you know what it is. and thanks
but i already know that i'm an extremely stupid, paranoid
bitch, so don't put that in your explanation.




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