ICanOnlyBeHele3

Mysterious Attitude
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2001-06-26 09:11:01 (UTC)

Mon. June 18- June 26, 2001

Good lawd... its been a long time since I have wrote... I
tell ya... this time it was cuz I let Jack read my diary..
and he went off on me.. I think it was June 17.. Sunday
night... Well he had been talkin to Andria.. which pissed
me off.. I have no clue what she told him.. but she told
him that I have written a lot of stuff bout him in my
diary.. so he gets online actin like an ass hole... and is
like let me read your diary.. i was like no.. I asked u
before if u wanted to read it and u said no.. and he was
like fine then fuck u bye... I was like hold on.. and I
sent him the link.. well he read it... got pissed off...
and told me to call him... so I called him.. and he went
off on me yellin sayin that I had no right to write all
that shit bout him.. in detail that is.. and I was like sry
and he yelled at me and was sayin that he didn't want to
talk to me anymore and that he wouldn't ever go out with me
and all this shit... and I began to cry.. cuz he was sayin
sum really mean things.. in which I can't recall... he was
like why r u cryin? I was like cuz of all the shit u r
sayin to me.. I didn't know u would get so mad over me
writin bout u in my diary... and he was like well I am...
all that stuff was between me and u.. and no one needed to
know it... so I kept sayin I was sorry and was cryin.. so I
finally lost it.. and tried to cut myself in the stomach
with a pushpin.. while I was on the phone with him... I
made like this noise.. and he was like what r u doin?¿ I
was like I'm tryin to cut myself... he was like why in the
hell r u tryin to do that.. I was like cuz u goin off on me
like this.. he was like well thats a stupid reason... and
your dumb for doin that.. I was like well damn it makes me
feel better so i will do it... (and no i didn't cut myself
thank god) And he was like.. I wish u wouldn't do that.. it
doesnt help anythin I used to do it.. and it wasn't worth
it.. I was like yeah whatever why do u care if I do it or
not.. he was like well maybe I do.. We said sum other
things.. and then he said sumthin like... I think I'm goin
to talk to like once a week or sumthin.. I was like yeah
thats a good idea U will be able to talk to Andria more
often.. I forgot a lot of what was said... but I rememeber
tellin him that I wasn't goin to call him as much like.. I
dunno once every 2 weeks I would call him... he was like no
u better call me everyday... and like 2 times a day... lol
and I was in a pissy mood.. and I was bein really bitchy...
but in the end... we made up... and u know... got back to
normal... well almost...

~~~Wensday~~~

All I did was go to my mom's work... and hang out with
Jenn... while my mom went to a meetin... and ohh yeah I
also saw Jack's younger sister...

~~~Thursday~~~

Well it seemed like Jack called me a lil more then he
did.. but a few days ago sumthing else happened.. and since
I don't remeber a lot of things... I will write what I do
remeber... u know like the most important things... Well a
few days ago... like... last Thursday... Jack called me on
his cell phone and I was on the other line with Andria..
and I was like... hold up.. let me get this other person
off the line... so I did and I talked him for a few
minutes.. and he was like I will call u back.. I was like
aight.. and I called Andria back... and he called again so
I was like hold on let me get Andria off the line.. and
when I clicked back over... he was like give me her
number.. I was like hell no... u have it.. u better go find
it or sumthin.. he was like I'm in Crown Point.. so I don't
have it... I was like I don't know what to tell u.. and at
this point I was bout to cry and was yellin at him... so I
finally said fuck it and gave it to him.. and then he was
like ok... I will call u back.. I was like no don't call me
back... u just talk to her... and he was like why r u mad..
I was like cuz i am... bye and he was like whatever and
hung up... after we hung up... omg.. I tell u I went
crazy... I was cryin all extra hard.. and I started to hit
the wall and my book shelf... I called Andria back.. and
she was like r u cryin? I was like nah.. why would I be..
did jack call u? She was like i dunno and yeah he did.. I
was like ok.. what did u all say.. she was like nothin
really don't worry we r just friends I aint tryin to take
him from u.. and all this stuff.. and I was started to tell
her what was wrong with me... then I was like nah forget it
isnt worth it... and she was like don't be mad at me ok.. I
was like aight.. I aint it isn't your fault.. then I hung
up... well my uncle had came to my house and tried to help
me calm down.. I told him everything that had been happenin
and he got really pissed at Jack... and I was like don't
worry bout it.. and I called Renee and asked her to pick me
up as soon as she can cus I needed to get out of the
house.. she was like yeah sure and asked me... whats wrong
honey... I was like I will tell u when I get there... she
was like aight and hung up... I talked to Jr for a lil
longer.. and just as I was bout to get in the shower Jack
called.. He was like what's wrong... I told him that I just
had a mental breakdown.. and he asked was it over him.. I
was like yeah u were part of it... and I told him that I
was goin to my aunt's house.. cuz my cousins and Renee
would make me feel better and forget bout all my
problems... he was like ok... and I could tell by the
sound of his voice that he was sorta sad... I was U just
called before I got in the shower.. he was like well I will
let u go... so u can take your shower..and he asked for my
aunts number so he could call me over there..so I gave it
to him.. and I hung up got ready... and waited for Renee to
pick me up...She did... and I told her bout what happened..
me, her, Joe, and Ce Ce drove around for a while... and on
our way to her house... Andria paged me... So I called her
from Renee's Cell... and I told her where I was.. and she
was like please come pick me up... lol I was like hold on
let me ask Renee if it is cool for u to stay over here..
and Renee was like yeah... so me, Joe, and Ce Ce went to
pick her up... Joe drove... hehe talkin bout sum fun.... He
had the music blastin and was actin crazy as always... but
he was also kissin Ce Ce a lot... ewww lol so we got to
Andrias house.. and she got totally pissed when she saw Ce
Ce cuz she likes Joe... but I tell u as soon as she got in
the car.. Joe asked her... so whats up with this Jack guy..
I was like omg... no he just didn't... lol and I like hit
him.. and all the way back to their house.. all of us gurls
were like hittin Joe.. and he was cussin us all out... lol
fun fun... we got back to Renee's and me and Andria went
outside.. and talked for a lil while.. and we got scared
cuz she thought she saw a headless man comin at us.. and we
went back in... lol so after Ce Ce went home.. me, Justin,
Joe, and Andria watched Bring It On... and had sum mad fun
laughin and actin crazy... lol and hittin each other with
pillows... but at like 12:30 Renee made the boys go down
stairs... and we all went to bed... lol I couldn't really
sleep tho cuz I was sleepin in a chair... but whatever the
next day.. Andria went home.. and I went home at like 7
sumthin...... I got online... and I think that was bout
all...

~~~That night... Saturday early mourin I think~~~

I think it Jack called me at like 11 sumthin Friday till
like 3 am Sat mourin...damn I dont remember... but
whatever.. and we were talkin for a long time... and like
out of no where he was askin me when r we goin to go out..
I was like I dunno where r we goin? lol... he was like I'm
bein serious.. I was like I dunno... and he asked me.. will
u be my gurlfriend... I was like I don't know what to say..
he was like yes or no.. I was like yes... so yup thats
right I'm goin out with him now... lol so we talked for a
long time.. and he was like.. well I'm goin to let u go..
I'm really tired and i need to take a shower... I was like
aight... cuz it was like 2:30am... lol and I was like
goodnight sweet dreams... and he was like ohh no... I wanna
hear 3 words.. I was like what three words... lol I was
bein smartass... hehe lol and then I was like ohh... I love
u... and he was like no that doens't sound like u mean it
try again... so I said I love u 2 him again... and again
and again... and I was like well.. I wanna hear them 2...
and he would say I love u.... and then he would be like no
I don't... lol I was like fine then I don't love u
either... lol... and I was like u have told me that
before... your just not tellin me that now cuz Pat is there
with u.... he was like yeah I know... then he fianlly got
serious and said I love u.. and I said it back to him.. and
we hung up.. so I was on my way to takin the phone back to
my house... it rang.. I was like who in the hell could that
be... lol I answered it and was like hello... and it was
Jack again.... lol I was like damn u must've missed me
huh.. he was like yeah I guess u can say that... lol so we
talked for a lil longer.. and we finally hung up.... I was
like all happy.... hehe and oh yeah... he also had told me
that he wasn't goin to talk to Andria anymore cuz she was a
whore and all this... so I was kinda happy bout that...
hehe and also said that he couldn't wait to see what Andria
would say when I told her we were goin out....

~~~ When I woke up~~~

I woke up.. and called Andria... lol and I told her.. and
she was like ohh ok... and I told her how he said he loved
me and all this.. and she was like well he told me that he
couldn't stand u... I was like ohh did he... I dunno I have
to talk to him bout that lol... and she went on to say she
had better people to talk to.. I was like yeah... ok
whatever... and we hung up... lol and thats all I remember

~~~Sunday June 24~~~

Well let me see.... I think this was the day that I went
out drivin with gram and Jr.. I didn't get to talk to Jack
cuz he went to Chicago... and while I was drivin with gram
and Jr Louie paged me.. and I called him back... on Jr's
cell.. and it felt soo good to hear his voice... he asked
how I was and if I had a boyfriend... I told him bout me
almost cuttin myself.. and he was like I dont want to hear
that from u.. I don't want anything to happen to u.. please
promise me u won't do that anymore.. so promised him I
wouldn't... then I told him I was goin out with Jack.. for
like one day... lol he was like ohh.. he was like well its
good u got sumone.. u needed a boyfriend.. I was like yeah
but not him.. he was like what do u mean not him... lol I
was like I dunno.... well we talked for a lil longer... and
we made plans to meet this comin weekend.. so I hope we
do... cuz I would Love to meet him... cuz yes he is still
my main man.... hehe I'm a player I know.. but I can't help
it damnit... lol

~~~Monday June 25 today~~~

Damn I tell u.. I don't ever rememeber when Jack asked me
out... lol opps.. aint I the greatest gurlfriend?¿ lol I
think I got it right tho... I will have to ask Andria...
but anyway... all I did today was go with my mom to lay out
at the sun at Renee's.... I got a lil tan.. so I'm happy..
I got to lay on the hammock and it was fun to get to spend
time with my mom damn I missed talkin to her so much lol..
after bout 1 hour of layin in the sun... I was like I give
up.. and I went to go talk to Bear.. we talked for a lil
while...Then Renee came home... me and my mom talked to
her.. and we took Joe to take back sum paint.. and we came
home... and thats bout all... hehe what a borin ass day...
lol

~~~Early Tuesday Mourin~~~

Well its like 3:52am and I'm online talkin to John... and
he told me that Kelly cut herself really deep last night
and had to get stitches :( I really do wish that gurl
would stop doin that...I'm sooo worried bout her... I
guess she did it tho cuz her mom had a heartattack and her
sibs r treatin her like shit.. I dunno... but I do know I
feel really bad... I feel like I'm just playin with John's
heart.. I mean I'm seriouly a player.. and I can't help
it.. but what he don't know won't hurt him... I love him so
much... but i also like Jack.. but if I ever do get to see
John.. I will break up with Jack.. and I doubt me and Jack
will last long anyway.. cuz all I think he wants is sex...
and he is an asshole to me all the time!! I mean I even
write poems for John.. matter of fact I wrote him one the
other day... so I really do love John and I think he loves
me 2..... but since he isn't here with me..and I don't
really know if he is stayin faithful to me or not.. which I
never know... I mean its the internet.. so u never do
know...I will be with Jack... but I'm stupid for sayin yes
to Jack... but maybe he will quit treatin me like crap...
but I doubt it.. I really do need to learn how to put up
for myself... well thats bout all I guess... so I will
go... I'm sooooo tired of typin... my hands r hurtin like
hell and my eyes r burnin... catch ya later bye bye 4 now...


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