Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
Ad 2:
2002-07-02 16:21:38 (UTC)

The Age Old Question...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Plato:
For the greater good.

Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.

Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams:
Forty-two.

Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also
across you.

Oliver North:
National Security was at stake.

Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture,
and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken
found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein:
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken"
and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the
actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.

Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Salvador Dali:
The Fish.

Darwin:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson:
Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus:
For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg:
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it
was moving very fast.

David Hume:
Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified
in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Jack Nicholson:
'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic:
What road?

Ronald Reagan:
I forget.

John Sununu:
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx:
You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau:
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain:
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Stephen Jay Gould:
It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it,
but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories
despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics
of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific
behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

Joseph Stalin:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.

Captain James T. Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Machiavelli:
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which
has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with
fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's
dominion maintained.

Hippocrates:
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Coopers & Lybrand Consultant:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the
newly competitive market. Coopers & Lybrand Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the
Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Coopers helped the chicken use its
skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the
chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall
strategy within a Program Management framework. Coopers & Lybrand
Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and
best chickens along with Coopers consultants with deep skills in the
transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in
order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and
explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to
achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting
and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum
of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park like
setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was
strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent,
clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's
mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation
of a total business inte gration solution. Coopers & Lybrand Consulting
helped the chicken change to become more successful.


~T~


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