camicazy

Meshed Up
2002-07-01 15:08:13 (UTC)

LLuD

feeling sad today. feeling sad because of many things.

found out some new things about my parents. i am truly
quite fed up with their twisted stories and how they use
god's name in vain.

and i'm sad because a friend pissed me off today. i hate it
when people make you believe something and then say
something that contradicts it and absolutely infuriates
you. i'm not speaking to 'friend' unless 'friend'
apologizes.

but sorry sucks. sorry is a vain attempt for instant
redemption.

i wanna be crazy! lalalalalala.

i do not want to live life and realize too late that i was
not crazy enough. but that's just me and my irrational
side. i better switch back to my (hopefully) reasonable
side.

wrote something this afternoon when i was still trembling
with rage. when i read it again, it contained nothing but
me and my illogical thoughts...and yes, angry thoughts as
well. i'll probably post it up tomorrow...or maybe the day
after...or maybe never. it's another crazy entry. crazy. i
could hear myself laughing because of the rage that i felt
while i was writing.

i heard myself say silencio...il no banda.....there is no
band!!! and screaming screaming in my mind that everything
is an illusion!

while writing, i saw the girl run to the bed and put a gun
to her mouth. explosion. the room smoked. but there was no
blood.

a friend said that when guys like me, the more they know
me, the more they fall for me. and she said i had the
ability to change their world and their life. is that true
i wonder...how many lives have i changed? and if i did
change them, did i change them for the better?

such a nonsense entry. i suppose it's cuz i'm feeling
drained today. and yeah...i'm sad. pissed off. disappointed.