witchprod

sunshine, oh why?
2002-07-01 14:34:37 (UTC)

electric shocks... i hate them

THUNDERSTORMS
everyone that knows me knows that i cant stand thunderstorms. i wont
sleep, i wont breath, i wont move. it really sucks when im exausted
and i cant close my eyes because im waiting for the next spark of
light so i know when to prepair to plug my ears. so theres something
i dont like about joe, he sleeps threw everyting, so he had no clue
that i was really freaking out this morning. you know its bad that
even when its light out i dont like it. usually im ok during the day,
but this morning i was a wreck. i cant stop shaking when that
happens. i woke up at 6:30 this morning and i was still so tired. i
had no choice now but to stay up during the whole storm and wait till
it was over. im so tired now, this shit went on for about 2 1/2
hours. my mother used to tell me when i was little that the angels in
heaven were playing bowling, and every time there was a really loud
bang that means they got a strike. it never really helped concidering
i didnt belive in god or heaven. my whole family used to make fun of
me that it was so babyish to be affraid of thunder and lightning,
well guess what... im still like this! i dont htink my fear will ever
go away. im not even sure of what im actually affraid of, but i know
i feel like crap and my heart races and i get really nervous. i dont
think i am that affraid of being struck by lightning as much as i am
affraid when i hear it. its funny, im not that bad when i jsut see
the lightning without anysound, like far away. but once i hear it,
its all over and i freak. what the hell is that saposed to mean. im
so paranoid about being struck that during a storm i odnt wear
anyting with metal, like off my bra goes and my glasses and stuff
like that. i think that is the worst way to die, that and drowning
but thats a whole other fear. i can go swiming and take showers but i
hate water. i dont know why i just do. i dont like being wet at all,
unless its from rain. weird i know, and joe is the same way. i hate
taking showers, haha yeah im dirty, and i dont care, i feel all weird
after i take a shower and my hair is always too poofy and i look
ugly. i know im weird but whatever. i feel bad for joe today cause he
has to go look for a job in this weather, he has to get all dresses
up just to go walk around in puddles to every store or place to work
down his block. thats gotta suck, i dont knwo what i would do without
my car. i just hope it doesnt rain again while he's out there. so
back to the storms... i have even bought thunderstorm cd's to get me
used to hearing them. that did nothing cuase its not real and you are
not experiencing one. those were quite pointless. its cool backround
music but wont do shit for my fears. ha and they thought i would grow
out of this shit, yeah i wish i did. i would like to sleep one day.
florida sucks.
SPIDERS
i am not affraid of spiders but recently they are everywhere. i had
war with one in my car last night, the fucker just would not die.
then when joe got in the car the damn thing showed up again and still
wouldnt die even when he tried. he finally killed him and there was
proof on the bottom of his shoe. i thought spiders were a ny thing,
they were everywhere there and ive only seen them just recently here.
they follow me everywhere! how ironic that joe has a spider tattooed
on his shoulder. i have been having a dreams about those stupid
little things, and i cant kill them their either, and they mutate
into bigger ones, i guess i should go see 8 legged freaks, then maby
my self-conciousness would leave me alone about them. fucked up
little things. and i dont like when they are on me or too close to
me, that pisses me off. i used to be affraid of roaches casue of
stefan and how much of a pussy he was he freaked me out. now i just
go up to them and spray the shit out of them and watch them die. i
leave them on the floor when im done though. there are a bunch of
dead ones all over my apt and one huge one in my bathroom. its art!
SORREL
i was sapposed to see sorrel for the 4th, i mentioned that already.
but just recently i found out some interesting info. i had no idea
that i had any effect on his life at all and i guess i did. he wrote
a journal entry about his love life and how much it sucked, and i was
in it! that was weird, like i had some important part and how he
should have been with me but he was with that other cunt. anyway. so
now he's not coming here. no money and other plans. its ok though i
thought it would be really weird seeing him again concidering he
almost cheeted on his girl with me, and then i didnt talk to him for
3 or 4 years! stuff like that messes with my head a little. i dont
really knwo what to think, but i feel like whenever shit goes bad
with my friends that i used to talk to in ny they come to me and
expect me to be there for them even though they abandoned me so long
ago. i dont know why but i dont mind it when its sorrel. to be honest
i was quite devistated when he just left me like that and never spoke
to me again, until now. he finally broke up with that head case. i
was really into him when we did hang out, but it could never go
anywhere cuase he was with her and i was with stefan, and now he's
single and im not. damit! i also heard that jay from ny has been
telling people that im single! he thinks that i have been single ever
since stefan! i barely talk to him anymore cuase he's still in isreal
and wont be back till august but aparently whenever one of his
friends break up with thier girlfriends, jay mentions "hey alexis is
single go call her". lol i have a dating service in ny i guess. not
like i need one now! i forgot about sorrel for a long time because i
just learned to deal with the fact that he was going to be with jess
for a long time and he said he loved her. i never beleived it but
whatever. im happy he got out of that shit finally. it took him long
enough. i hope he can find happiness one day like i have.
THEY HATE ME CAUSE I DID IT
so they all call me and im me from ny telling me how much it sucks
there. no shit! really? why the fuck do you think i left? hahaha,
every single person in ny is miserable and keeps bitching to me that
there life sucks and they are jealous that i got out and im happy
now. its really not that hard! just work your ass off for about a
month and dotn spend any money... sell everyting you own (except your
clothes and your comp) on ebay and get people to give you their
worthless shit to sell also. tell your boss to go fuck themselves,
tell your ex to die and threaten to get a restraining order, tell
your friends to visit you (dont expect them to really do it), pack up
your car and say see ya! i did it and so can you! i dont know if that
is too much of a good idea though, we should keep all the assholes in
one place, so if your an asshole, just stay there. i take it back,
everyone stay there, im happy without you! you know there are
exceptions and i would list the people who shouldnt be there but i
think they know who they are, ive told them a million times already.
fuck ny! seriously fuck it. and stop telling me how much it sucks
there i already know!




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