anna

blah blah blah blah blah
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2001-06-25 23:10:11 (UTC)

the four things I lost

Things about myself that went temporarily missing while I
was dating my recently exed-boyfriend:

1) My love for live shows: I never enjoyed myself, except
for a few times, because I was always in a hurry to go
home and be with him.

2) My independence. I never did what I wanted to do, but
either what he wanted to do or just stayed at home.

3) My friends. Terri, Joe and Jared have always been
there, still are. Jared especially was always
understanding. neely....not so much. Still haven't gotten
that back, don't know if I really want to.

4) My dreams, my hopes, my goals. It's very sad that I
didn't have any of these when I was with dickhead. No, I
did, but they were very inspiring, just to be with him.
Now, I have these things back (with the exception of
neely), and i can back to being anne-marie.

I was thinking about all these things the other night at
the dismemberment plan show. I really missed out on a lot,
and thinking about all this stuff is hopefully going to
help on my recovery from the break-up. I'm still not 0
over it, i still break down and cry sometimes, definitely
more often than is probably healthy. But it's a start. if
I can remember all this stuff, I'll be okay. If i keep a
memory of before and after the break-up, if i can convince
myself that I am a wonderful, talented, intelligent woman
who didn't deserve to be treated the way he treated me (he
wasn't all bad, don't get me wrong, but he is completely
clueless about how to treat somebody you supposedly love)
I'll get through the pain and the depression, and one day
it won't hurt anymore.

In the words of Stuart Smalley, "I am good enough, I am
smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me."


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